Is This The Last Goodbye?
by xJanzx
Summary: This is the sequel of 'Lying in Loving Arms', but you don't need to have read that fic to understand this one. Following Ronnie's return to the Square, Jack seems to have moved on, but there is something about his former lover that he can't shake off
1. Chapter 1

**Is This The Last Goodbye**

Ronnie smiled warmly as she handed the keys of her beloved motorbike over to the man. He grinned widely, jangling the keys in his hands.

"All yours," she stated, the smile fixed to her face.

The man nodded. "Thanks." He lifted the helmet and gently brought it down over his head before swinging his right leg over the bike and starting it up. A nod of the head and a moment later, he was roaring through Albert Square on the back of what used to be Ronnie's motorcycle.

"Didn't you just buy that?" A voice called out, a finger pointing to where the bike had stood moments before.

Ronnie whipped around, facing the man the voice belonged to. Her smile slipped momentarily before the Ice Queen mask was back in full force. "Yes," she stated simply before turning around once again, ready to get back into her flat.

Jack reached out a hand and caught her by the arm. Ronnie looked down at the contact; immediately angered and somewhat confused. "Let go of me, Jack."

"Come on, Ron – don't be like that."

"Like what?" Ronnie challenged, narrowing her eyes. Jack just sighed, looking at her imploringly. "What do you want me to say, Jack?"

"Nothing, I just . . . I want things to go back to normal."

"You're leaving for France in a couple of weeks – us being normal around each other should hardly matter to you, should it?" She asked pointedly; the memory of their last confrontation burned in her heart.

_It shouldn't matter. I've moved in with Tanya, I've taken on the kids, we're moving to France for a fresh start. _ Jack thought to himself. _What Ronnie does or how she is shouldn't matter to me. _

_But it does._

Ronnie's eyes lingered on his face for a moment, knowing that he wanted to say something in response to what she had said, but . . . he didn't.

_He never does._ She thought sadly. Ronnie dropped her head a little, suddenly aware of the fact that Jack still had a hold of her arm. "Please, Ronnie," she heard him mumble and for a fraction of a second, she nearly crumbled. She nearly gave in to him. Gave in to what he wanted.

But she didn't.

"You should get back to Tanya," Ronnie replied, her voice low and soft with nothing but defeat clouding it. The two former lovers looked at each other for a moment, their eyes magnetised, drawn together by forces beyond their control.

But then Ronnie looked away, breaking both the physical and emotional contact. "Ronnie!" Jack called after her as she hurriedly slipped back into her flat and out of his reach.

Jack sighed, his heart as heavy as lead, as he too turned and walked away from Ronnie.


	2. Chapter 2

Ronnie sat at her kitchen table, a frown appearing on her face. _Why the hell did I rent out this place?_ She thought to herself. _It's just constant reminders of whatever the hell me and Jack had. So why would I come back here to **live**, no less? I'm a masochist. That's the only explanation. I'm a glutton for punishment._

Getting up, she wandered over to the living room window, her gaze instantly falling on Jack as he entered number five. Into Tanya's awaiting arms.

Ronnie scoffed, turning away. _Pathetic!_ She internally exclaimed. Ever since she had returned from Ibiza, everywhere she turned, she would see them together. Walking through the market, talking and laughing. Out with Tanya's kids. Having drinks in the Vic.

And every time, Ronnie would spot them, her stomach would turn over. And then she'd have to remind herself that Jack wasn't the person she was in love with, she wasn't jealous of him being with Tanya. She was concerned. That's what it was. Just concern.

Because she knew Jack and the only reason he was with Tanya was because it would hurt Max.

_He's acting like he's in love with her!_ Ronnie thought to herself, the mere formation of the thought almost making her sick. _But how the hell can he be when we slept together four months ago?_

The memory was fuzzy and missing in parts, but it was there. She knew it had happened. Not least because the following morning she had awoken, wrapped in Jack's tender embrace. He had trailed butterfly kisses across her face. He had held her. Made sure she was okay after the events of the previous night.

He'd almost said he loved her.

But then it was as though he'd remembered something, a quiet thought that had suddenly become loud and clear. And he'd stopped.

He'd left.

And an hour later, when Ronnie was leaving the club, he was walking into the pub. Holding hands with Tanya.

That single image was like a knife to Ronnie's already bruised heart. She had slipped into the Vic and hurried up the stairs and into the shower. Her skin felt contaminated by Jack and she wanted to wash every trace of him from her. Erase him from her body, her mind, her heart.

When she had come down to the bar, they were still there. Jack approached her.

And acted like nothing had happened.

She had looked into his face, searching for signs of recognition or even traces of guilt. But there was nothing. It seemed that Ronnie hadn't been the only one to try and erase the other from their lives. But Jack was the one who had succeeded.

Her blue eyes were steely , challenging him to reference their night together. Even if it was simply to ask her not to tell Tanya. As long as he acknowledged what had happened.

But Jack didn't and Ronnie's heart lay shattered at her feet.


	3. Chapter 3

Jack walked purposefully through the club, the soles of his black shoes squeaking against the floor. He made his way through the writhing bodies on the dance floor, navigating through flung arms and gyrating pelvises. He'd spent the entire day going through the motions with Tanya; packing boxes, labelling them, making sure all the paperwork was in order for their new home.

_Home. We're nearly there._ Jack thought, the sigh of relief that he had expected not quite forming. _It's because of her. I just need to get away and then she'll leave, I'll be able to get her outta me head. Yeah, out of sight, out of mind._

He flung open the door leading to his and Ronnie's office and was almost knocked back in surprise.

She was sitting right there.

The woman his heart screamed for every moment of every day.

The woman he so desperately wished to forget.

"Didn't expect to see you here," Jack told her, it was a statement – not a question. He watched her as she meticulously looked over the accounts, a lock of blonde hair falling across her face for a moment before she tucked it back behind her ear. The same lock of hair obscured her vision and with a sigh of irritation, Ronnie raised her arms and neatly tied it back with a hair band.

"It's still my club, isn't it?" Ronnie replied, her gaze fixed on the various sheets of paper that were littered across her desk. _Don't look at him, Ronnie. Don't look at him._

"It's ours. _Our_ club."

She looked up at that moment.

"Not for long."

Jack looked at her quizzically. "What d'you mean by that?"

Ronnie raised a perfectly arched eyebrow. "I would have thought that was obvious?"

Jack shrugged and sat down on the edge of his desk. "Enlighten me."

"Okay," Ronnie began slowly, shifting in her seat, suddenly uncomfortable under Jack's intense gaze. "How do you intend on running a club in London when you'll be in France?"

Jack stayed silent, his gaze flickering from Ronnie's face to the wall behind her.

"Well?" She pressed. "New country, new family, new life. That's what France is offering you, so why haven't I seen the contract for this place?"

He shrugged in reply. "Probably because there isn't one."

Ronnie narrowed her eyes, suspicion pouring into every crevice of her being. "I want the club. I'll buy you out."

"No."


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: Most of the dialogue between Ronnie and Jack comes from the EE episode right before Jack planned to leave with Tanya, so I can't take credit for that, but I have added a few extra twists in there for you**

An aghast scoff filled the still air between the two former lovers. "Why not?" Ronnie challenged, she could feel the frustration building within her and wanted so desperately to let it out. Preferably with right hooks to Jack's face. "Come on, you don't need the club. I'll buy you out."

"I'm not selling," Jack answered, stoically.

"Why?"

"'Cos I don't want to." He frowned, unsure why he was even having this conversation with Ronnie. He didn't need to answer to her, to justify his actions. The club was sixty percent his – he didn't have to answer to anybody. Least of all Ronnie. So why was he?

"Yeah, but _why_?!" Ronnie shouted, everything she had told herself about not rising to Jack's bait completely flew out of the window.

"'Cos if anything goes wrong. . . I've got something, y'know."

Ronnie looked at him, an expression of pure disgust crossing her face. "I'm not prepared to be your _fallback_!" She practically spat the words at him, the syllables leaving a bad taste in her mouth. She paused for a moment, her blue eyes piercing through each layer of his skin and searching out the truth of the situation. "You don't wanna go, do you? You're keeping everything hush hush, holding onto the club – you want everything kept on ice."

Jack narrowed his eyes, hoping beyond hope that his face gave nothing away. He lifted himself from his desk and moved forward. He placed the flat of his palms on Ronnie's desk and leaned forward, forcing himself to look her in the face. "D'you know why you're thinking like that? 'Cos you can't accept the simple truth. I chose Tanya."

Jack watched Ronnie flinch at his words. It was the tiniest of movements, but he saw it. He saw what he had done to her.

"You don't want Tanya, you don't want France. This is all about your brother. And once you've screwed him, you're gonna be on a ferry back home, where everything's waiting for you. But not in here, not in this club!" Ronnie shouted, refusing to be his back up. Refusing to let herself be anything but his first choice.

"I love her!"

"You only love her while Max is watching. You can fool everyone else, but you can't fool me." Ronnie's chest heaved from the ferocity of her words. Her eyes locked on Jack's, demanding that he refute the statement, tell her that she was wrong. But he didn't.

"You know why? Cos you're too busy foolin' yourself. Now get this into your head – if I wanted yer, I would've had yer, but I didn't. I chose Tanya."

Ronnie felt as though Jack had reached into her chest cavity and wrapped his fingers around her heart, squeezing it tightly before mercilessly ripping it from her chest. Her breathing hitched and her body felt overwhelmed by the agony, but still she voiced the question that had formed in her mind four months ago. "Then why did you sleep with me?"

"What? What're you talking about?"

"The night I came back, we slept together-"

"No, no we didn't!"

Ronnie looked at him for a moment, the fury engulfing her. How could he just deny it happened? "Get out," she told him, her voice low and calm, but the edge of anger was palpable.

"It's my office too-"

"GET OUT!" Ronnie screamed, her blonde hair flying about her as she let the torrent of undiluted rage tear out of her throat and hit Jack square in the chest. She heard him retreat from the room, the bang of the door signifying his exit.

And then the tears tumbled from her eyes. Hot and angry and ashamed all at once. How could she have let him use her like that? And how could he completely pretend nothing had happened?

Ronnie wiped the ever flowing tears from her face before her hands dropped to her slightly rounded stomach, hidden behind the confines of her suit jacket. _He can deny it all he wants, but we both know what happened. You're living proof, darling._


	5. Chapter 5

Stepping into the darkened bar of the pub, Ronnie let her bag and keys slip onto the bar top with a clattering sound. She sighed as she surveyed the room, dirty glasses littered every surface. Sighing, Ronnie slipped out of her suit jacket and draped it across the bar. Her fingers curled around various empty glasses and she proceeded to clear them away to the dishwasher.

"Darling, you don't need to do that," Peggy told her, fastening her dressing gown as she walked into the bar.

Ronnie shook her head. "It's fine," she replied, fighting a yawn.

"Long night at the club?"

"Yeah," Ronnie told her, thinking back to the argument she had had with Jack. _All the nights are long without him. Stop it, Ronnie – stop thinking like that. He's about to jet off with Tanya and her kids. He's not giving you a second thought, so why are you?_

"Roxy called," Peggy suddenly blurted out into the silence. But Ronnie didn't look up from the glass she was staring into.

"Did she?" Ronnie asked, an air of nonchalance wrapped around her words.

Peggy frowned as she watched her niece. _Those girls were as close as anything. It's been three months without a word from Roxy and Ronnie doesn't even care – nah, something's not right._

"What happened, darlin'? What happened in Ibiza?" Peggy reached for Ronnie's hand and gently cradled it in hers.

Ronnie shook her head. "Nothing. Nothing happened – we just had one of our arguments; I was too controlling, she was too reckless. She stormed out and I came back here and three months later, here we are." She raised her shoulders in a small shrug.

"Nah, there's more to it than that."

"No, really. There isn't," she insisted.

Peggy looked at her shrewdly, her wise eyes travelling over her niece's face trying to search out the truth. "She's your sister. There was a time when the only time you weren't worried about her was when she was in bed – so what's changed?" Ronnie let out a small gasp as her stomach flipped over. "Ronnie?"

Letting out a deep breath, Ronnie chewed on her lip for a moment. "The reason I'm not worried about Roxy and her baby is because I have my own to worry about."

"What?" Peggy asked, a shocked expression painted across her face.

"I'm pregnant."


	6. Chapter 6

"Oh darlin', that's wonderful!" Peggy gushed, leaning across the bar and embracing Ronnie. "How far along are you?"

"About four months now," Ronnie replied, grinning. She hadn't told anyone, kept the pregnancy a secret – just like she had the last time. Except for very different reasons. Nineteen years ago, she had been terrified of her parents' reactions, petrified that they would make her have an abortion that she waited until it was too late before she revealed the truth. _Except there wasn't much of a revelation – Mum guessed and I just stayed silent._

But this pregnancy, this was a secret because of the baby's dad.

Jack had made it patently clear, on more than one occasion, that Ronnie wasn't the woman he wanted to be with. And Ronnie knew what his kids meant to him. She knew that if just said the words, told him what she had told her aunt, Jack would stay. He might not be with her, but he'd stay.

_And that's exactly why he can't know. If he loves Tanya like he says he does, like he thinks he does – then he'll end up resenting me for ruining that chance. He'll resent me and my baby and there's no way in hell this child is ever going to touch that feeling._

_No – it's better this way._

"And the dad?"

Silence reigned as Ronnie mulled over her aunt's question, wondering how to answer it in a way that would stop her digging for more details. "He's not around anymore."

Peggy raised an eyebrow. "What does that mean?"

"He was just some guy in Ibiza that I left behind."

"Don't you think you should tell him?" Her aunt pressed.

Ronnie's blonde hair swung around her shoulders as she shook her head. "It's my baby, not his." There was a certainty in her voice, a strength that Peggy hadn't seen before.

"A single mum, eh?"

"Yup, I'm gonna do this alone."

Peggy squeezed Ronnie's hand. "No, darling – you won't be alone."


	7. Chapter 7

It was six o' clock in the morning when Ronnie was roused from her sleep. She frowned as she strained her ears, trying to figure out why she had woken up. The flat was silent, everything was still – so why had she awoken?

Blinking her eyes, Ronnie was suddenly hit with the reason as a bout of morning sickness threatened to overwhelm her. Rushing from her warm bed, Ronnie ran to the bathroom, her body bent double over the porcelain toilet.

Several minutes later, she leant her head against the cold rim of the bathtub, breathing heavily in an attempt to let the nausea pass. A hand reached under the cotton material of her pyjamas and gently caressed her stomach. "Making your presence known, are you? Well, I don't think mummy's gonna be forgetting about you anytime soon. In fact, I'm pretty sure you're always on her mind."

Ronnie closed her eyes, a small smile lifting her pale lips. "So, sweetheart – are you a boy or a girl?" Her fingers circled her belly button, imagining what her child would look like. "Do you have blue eyes? Or brown? Or green even? Your great grandma had green eyes – maybe you will too?" Ronnie's smile grew wider. "What about dimples? It doesn't really run in our family, except your aunty Roxy – she has one right in her chin." She laughed. "Roxy always hated it when we were younger, especially when we were teenagers; said it made her look like she had two chins. And mummy would tell her that she was right and that it did. So . . . will you have dimples? And what about your hair? Blonde? Or brunette like your-?"

Opening her eyes, Ronnie stopped.

_Daddy._

That was the word that she had wanted to say.

"Daddy," Ronnie said out loud, her voice barely above a whisper. Sighing, she felt tears well up in her eyes. "I'm sorry sweetheart, I didn't mean to mess things up. Not even born yet and you're already missing out. Missing out on two big sisters and a . . . daddy."

_I'm not being fair, am I? Not on this baby and not on Jack. I should give him a choice. I should tell him and he should choose what he wants to do. No strings, no demands, no pressure. Just his choice._

Picking herself up from the bathroom floor, Ronnie splashed cold water across her face, trying to wake herself up a bit more. Walking into her bedroom, she stood in front of the full length mirror. Pulling up her pyjama top, she placed both of her palms across her already rounded stomach.

_Our baby's in there. Mine and Jack's. I can't keep this from him. I can't._

Looking at her reflection in the mirror, Ronnie was infused with an overwhelming sense of love and protection. Her body tingling from the rush of emotion, she stepped back and smiled.

_When Jack finds out, he'll stay and we might not be together, but we can still make a family together. A stable, happy family for our baby._

_Yeah, we can do that._

_We can be some type of family._


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: I've used the same dialogue seen on screen for the exchange between Ronnie, Jack and Tanya, so I can't take credit for that but it is seen through a different prism to that which was presented in the actual episode**

Ronnie jogged through the Square, inhaling the fresh October air and letting it ripple against her hot skin. She slowed down as she saw a removal van pulling up to Tanya's house, Jack getting out of the driver's seat.

She watched him for a moment, unsure whether to approach him. Taking a deep breath, she jogged over to him. "Hey."

Jack said nothing, simply putting his hands in the pockets of his jeans and letting out a small sigh.

"So this is it, then?"

"Yeah." He nodded. "There ain't nothing or no-one that's gonna stop us going today."

Ronnie looked at him, at the hard and steely look that coated his eyes. _Why is he looking at me like that?_

"Alright Ronnie," Tanya called out as she descended the stone steps leading from the house.

Ronnie turned to face her, smiling; instantly covering up her discomfort and confusion. "Morning. . . Well, good luck eh?"

Tanya smiled broadly. "Thanks."

"Yeah, and you too," Jack told her, nodding his head once again, making Ronnie feel as though the conversation between them was well and truly over.

_Story of our entire relationship._ She thought bitterly as she began to make her way back to the flat, her desire to speak to Jack completely extinguished. An internal battle raged on within her, the two opposing voices almost drowning each other out with their arguments.

_He deserves to know – he's the father._

_He's made it perfectly clear that his future's in France with Tanya._

_Maybe that'll change once he knows?_

_Do I even want it to change? I don't want him staying out of obligation._

As she pushed her key into the lock, Ronnie looked over her shoulder. Jack had his hands on either side of Tanya's face and was kissing her. Instantly, Ronnie returned her gaze to the door in front of her, her heart constricting in agony as that one scene was repeated in her mind's eye.

_When is this going to stop?_ She asked herself. _When am I going to stop feeling as though I've been punched in the stomach every time I see him with her? Every time I see them holding hands or sharing a quick kiss, it's like another knife to the gut._

_And I can't, I **can't** keep feeling like this._ Ronnie let out a wry chuckle as she pushed open the door and stepped into the flat. She leant against the back of the door, letting it support her weight.

"I guess I don't have to worry about that anymore – I doubt I'll ever see him again after today."


	9. Chapter 9

Ronnie walked through her club and into the empty office, a sudden thought occurring to her as she sat down in the black leather chair. She wouldn't have to share this space anymore. She wouldn't walk into the office, craving peace and quiet and run into him. She wouldn't have to do that, because he wouldn't be there.

_He's not going to be here anymore._

Ronnie felt her breath hitch in her throat.

_He's not going to waltz in here and sit himself down on the edge of the desk and loom over me whilst I do the figures. He's not going to smile at me over the top of the computer screen. He won't groan with frustration every time he has to do the books, or when his computer crashes. He won't do that anymore._

_He won't be here._

Ronnie reached into her black bag, fumbling for her phone. She needed to call him, tell him to meet her at the club. If he would just meet her, then surely that would mean something?

Wouldn't it?

Her fingers hovered over the buttons, ready to type in a message. But they didn't.

Ronnie let the phone slip from her hands and onto the surface of her desk.

It wouldn't mean anything.

"_There ain't nothing or no-one that's gonna stop us going today."_

That was what Jack had said. And she was the 'nothing' and 'no-one'.

Ronnie scoffed at herself, disgusted at her own stupidity and desperation. She shook her head, trying to rid her mind of thoughts of him. _He cheated on you with his ex-wife and then when you finally decided to give him another chance, he dumped you without so much as an explanation. And __**then**__ when you slept together, he pretended that it had never happened. _

_How much more evidence do you need to show that Jack Branning cares for nobody but himself? How many more times are you going to let him hurt you before you realise the truth?_

Ronnie dropped her head into her hands, her fingers kneading her temples as she felt the beginnings of a throbbing headache.

"Stupid idiot!" She muttered angrily, whether she was talking about Jack or herself she wasn't sure. He'd hurt her so much, in so many different ways and yet here she was, still loving him. Sucking in a deep breath, a part of her hoped to steel her heart against him, to not allow his words to penetrate the indestructible walls around it – the indestructible walls that seemed to become flimsy tissue paper whenever he looked at her.

Ronnie tugged at her hair in frustration, the anger coursing through her veins like cyanide, poisoning her. _How does he do it? How does he make me this, this poor, deluded woman? How does he make me everything I've ever hated? I swore to myself I would never let a man have any type of control over me again and now look at me – I'm a mess. A pregnant mess._

"Stupid idiot!"


	10. Chapter 10

Ronnie pushed open the double doors of the Vic and made her way through the packed pub. "What's going on? You decided to start 'Happy Hour' early?" She asked Phil as she finally reached the bar.

"Jack and Tanya's leaving do, ain't it?" Her cousin replied, not looking up from the pint he was pulling.

For a fraction of a second, Ronnie felt the emotion register on her face but almost instinctively, a wide smile lifted the corners of her lips. "Of course it is," she muttered to herself.

"You say something?"

"Nothing. D'you want a hand?" She enquired, already shrugging off her black suit jacket and walking behind the bar. _Just keep busy. Don't think, just work._ "What can I get you?" Immediately, Ronnie was in her element, taking orders and pouring drinks. She focused all of her mental energy on doing the job, taking the money, giving the right change.

Going through the motions.

Her hands worked frantically, not giving her brain enough time to stop and process anything. And that was exactly what she needed right now. To not process anything, to not think, to not feel.

"Ron?" Jack's voice cut through her empty thoughts, causing Ronnie's hand to loosen its grip on the glass tumbler she was holding. It fell to the ground with a smash, the glass shattering instantly, spinning off in various directions.

Without looking at Jack, Ronnie knelt to the floor, using her index finger and thumb to pick up the larger pieces of glass. "Crap!" She exclaimed, wincing as a spot of blood appeared on her hand.

"Ronnie?" Jack asked, concerned. He'd seen the way her hands had shook when he'd called out to her and now . . . now she was bleeding. All he wanted to do was wrap her injured hand in his and press his warm lips to her skin.

But he couldn't. Because he was with Tanya. He was leaving with Tanya. Tanya. That was the woman he was meant to be in love with. Tanya. That was the woman he was sharing his life with. Tanya. The woman he was sharing his bed with. Tanya.

But the woman who had his heart?

Not Tanya.

But he was always hurting her. Always making her bleed.

Jack stepped back from the bar, discreetly slipping through the throng of people until he had left the pub behind. He'd wanted to talk to her, to tell her that he was sorry for being such an arsehole the last few months.

He'd wanted to say 'goodbye' to her, to wish her luck even. But that shattered glass was a potent reminder of everything he had done to her, every different way he had hurt her.

It was better this way. He couldn't hurt her anymore.


	11. Chapter 11

Ronnie frowned as she watched Jack's retreating back, bemused by his actions. _Why is he leaving his own party?_ Shaking her head, she stood up from where she was crouching.

"Y'aright?" Phil asked.

Ronnie nodded. "Yeah, yeah – I'm just gonna put a thing on this," she told him, waving her bloody hand slightly. She heard her cousin utter a grunted reply as she made her way to the flat bathroom. Opening the cupboard under the sink, Ronnie pulled out the small first aid kit before opening it and retrieving a 'Hello Kitty' plaster.

_She always was a big kid._

She couldn't help but chuckle before a pang of misery stamped on her heart.

_Is. She **is** a big kid. She's not dead. She is a big kid._

Pushing the emotion down, Ronnie ran her injured hand under a cold jet of water, wincing as she felt the sting of the liquid on the open cut. Pulling it away, she watched as a stream of blood formed along the small wound.

_He wanted to talk to me. He wanted to say something. Why didn't he?_

Ronnie closed her eyes, trying to stop the hum of her thoughts, but an image of Jack's face washed over the darkness.

_He looked so . . . sad. There's no other way of describing it, he was just sad._

Sucking in a deep breath, Ronnie opened her eyes. She ripped open the plaster packet and secured it across her palm, discarding the packaging as she left the bathroom.

"Oh, Ronnie, darlin' – there you are." Her aunt apprehended her on the landing.

"Everything okay, Aunty Peg?"

Peggy shook her head. "No, no I don't think it is."

Ronnie frowned, her brows knitting together in concern. "Why? What's happened?" Peggy opened her hand to reveal a piece of paper with a string of numbers scrawled on it. "What's that?"

"Roxy's new mobile number." Instantly, Ronnie felt her eyebrow arch in surprise. "Now don't look at me like that, she _asked_ me to pass it on."

"You've spoken to her?" Peggy nodded. "I suppose we should be grateful that she's alive," she said coldly. Even though minutes before her heart had ached for her sister, it was as though she could never admit it, never say it out loud so she wouldn't have to face the truth.

Peggy reached out and placed the paper into Ronnie's hand. "She's your sister. Call her."

Ronnie shook her head. "She doesn't need me."

"So?" Peggy shrugged. "Maybe you need her."


	12. Chapter 12

Ronnie stood under the onslaught of the high pressure shower, the water feeling like scorching bullets against her skin. But she didn't care. Right now she just wanted to wash the last few days away, for their invisible mark to be burned from her body.

She adjusted the temperature slightly before raising her face and letting the water stream across it, mingling with her tears.

Jack was gone.

He'd left.

On the way home from the club, Ronnie had walked past the Branning house. No removal van sat in front of it. There weren't any lights on and the curtains hadn't been drawn. It was empty. Max had strolled past, stood next to her for a moment as she looked up at the house and then told her that they'd left straight after the leaving party in the Vic.

"Didn't he say 'goodbye' to yer?" Max had asked her.

Ronnie had shrugged in reply. "Why should he?"

_Why should he? I'm 'nothing' and 'no-one', aren't I?_

Ronnie let out a deep breath, trying to quell the gut wrenching pain. As if morning sickness wasn't enough to contend with, she had to feel this too. Ronnie found herself clutching onto the tiles of the shower, silently weeping as every emotion she had battled to smother flowed from her like a river that had broken its banks.

She was fifteen again. Abandoned and alone. Betrayed and pregnant.

Stepping out of the shower, Ronnie wrapped a soft white towel around herself. She looked at her reflection in the slightly steamed up mirror, a pair of blue eyes stared back at her. Bright blue eyes. A fragment of a memory flashed through her mind before Ronnie closed her eyes, refusing to think about that right now. Her breathing quickened as she tried to fight the vines of the memory, to stop herself being overwhelmed by the emotion attached to it.

A noise from the living room startled her, causing her to open her eyes and venture out of the bathroom. Upon seeing who was standing there, Ronnie's confusion multiplied.

Jack lifted his head to see Ronnie standing in the doorway of the bedroom, his heart in his throat. She was meant to be at the club. She wasn't meant to be home. Her face was completely blank of any expression but her eyes were red rimmed and bloodshot.

"I thought you'd gone."


	13. Chapter 13

Jack looked at Ronnie, his heart breaking at the desolate look in her eyes. _I'm sorry, darling. I'm so sorry._ He couldn't speak in that moment, the words snatched from his throat as he looked into her heartbroken eyes.

_It was never meant to be like this._

"Are you okay?" Jack asked, avoiding Ronnie's question.

"I'm fine," she replied, automatically.

"You've been crying."

"I got shampoo in my eyes." Ronnie pressed her lips tightly together, her jaw clenched. "Why are you here, Jack? Shouldn't you be on your way to France by now?"

Jack swallowed, trying to moisten his suddenly dry mouth. "I er, forgot something in the safe."

Ronnie nodded. "Right."

And then the conversation died. The two ex-lovers looked at each other, their pain mirrored on each other's faces, a reflection of the anguish they were both experiencing.

"I er, I better . . ." Jack said, but made no move to leave the flat. "You're gonna be okay, aren't you, Ron?"

A small smile slipped onto Ronnie's lips, but her heart constricted in agony. If he'd just been cold and callous once again, she could've survived this. If he'd been an utter bastard, she could've hated him enough to get over him. But he wasn't being that. He was being the man she had fallen in love with.

"I always am, aren't I?"

"Yeah, yeah you are." Jack watched as Ronnie stepped forward, closing the distance between them. "I guess I should say 'bye'." Ronnie nodded. "Erm, these are yours," he told her, placing a set of keys into her hand. Their fingers touched and electricity sparked between their palms.

"Does she make you happy?" Ronnie whispered before closing her mouth abruptly, as though the question had slipped out without her permission.

_Ronnie, please don't do this darling. Please. This isn't anything you've done, quite the opposite – it's me. I can never give you everything you need because of what I did. I slept with your sister. I love you and I slept with your sister – what the hell does that make me? And I can't take the chance that I might do that again, that I might hurt you like that again. I can't take the chance that you'll ever know what I did._

"Yeah," he breathed, trying to keep the emotion out of his voice.

"Did I?" Ronnie closed her eyes, but it was too late. A lone tear trickled down her porcelain cheek. Reaching out, Jack tenderly used the pad of his thumb to wipe it away.

_I wish I could stop them all falling._

He nodded, wishing he could take away her pain but knowing that if he did, he'd only cause her more.

"Stay. Don't leave." Ronnie clutched onto his hand tightly, her turmoil crackling through her fingertips and running through Jack, making his heartbeat triple with the pain.

"I can't." Dipping his head, Jack gently brushed his lips against Ronnie's cheek. "Bye, Ron." He turned around and without looking back, left Ronnie's flat.

Ronnie stood in the middle of the living room, her fingers slackened and the bunch of keys clattered onto the coffee table. Her eyes flickered to the noise and fell on her mobile. Picking it up, she slowly dialled a number and waited for the person to pick up.

A sob erupted from Ronnie's throat as the automated voicemail service kicked into life. She pressed her lips tightly together, but it was no use. There was no stopping the tears now.

"Rox, I need you."


	14. Chapter 14

Roxy rushed out of the black cab, practically throwing herself out of the car. She passed a fistful of notes through the driver's window and hurried around to the side of the pub, her high heels clattering against the pavement.

She jammed her key into the lock of the back door and flew into the pub. "Ron!" Roxy called out, her voice carrying through the empty hallway. Pushing the door closed behind her, Roxy flew up the stairs and wrenched open Ronnie's bedroom door. "Ronnie?"

Her eyes scanned the room; gone were her sister's various pots of make up and bits of jewellery. Where they once littered the dressing table, now all that stood atop it was a mirror. Striding forwards, Roxy opened the doors to the wardrobe. Empty.

_Where is she?_ Roxy thought to herself, sitting down on the end of Ronnie's bed. _She called me, she asked me to come back and now she's gone?_

Her heart hammered in her chest as she thought back to that voicemail message. Ronnie had sounded awful, she'd been crying like there was so much pain within her and no matter how many tears she shed, there would always be more.

Roxy bit down on her bottom lip, a sob forming in her throat and threatening to burst from her. But she pushed it down. She needed to be strong for Ronnie. _Wherever she is._

"I'm so stupid!" She exclaimed, berating herself for her behaviour back in Ibiza. _Why the hell did I walk out? Why did I leave her? She's done so much for me, she's been a mum and a dad and a sister and I **left** her!_

_And now . . ._

_And now her heart's breaking and I don't even know where she is._

Dropping her head into her hands, Roxy found herself sobbing loudly. Her breaths came in gasps and the tears streamed down her cheeks. _If I hadn't left, maybe none of this would've happened? Me and Ron, we'd still be in Ibiza, running the bar and having a laugh. Neither of us would be crying._

"Roxy, darlin'? What're you doing back?" Peggy asked confused as she ventured into what had been Ronnie's room.

Roxy immediately jumped up from the bed. "Where is she? Where's Ronnie? Where is she?" Peggy blinked for a moment. "Aunty Peg, can you just tell me where she is?"

"Why? What's happened?"

"Just tell me!"

"Alright, alright – you don't have to shout. She's at her flat – Jack's old place. 'Ere, you can't go 'round there now, it's not even seven o' clock!"

Before her aunt could even finish her sentence, Roxy bolted out of the room, her heels thundering down the stairs and through the Square. "Ronnie! Ronnie, open the door!" She shouted as she rapidly knocked on the door. Within moments, she heard the scrape of metal as Ronnie released the chain on the door.

"Rox? What're – what are you doing back here?" Ronnie asked, her eyes red and raw from crying and lack of sleep.

Roxy lifted her shoulders in a small shrug, the tears springing to her eyes as she looked upon her older sister. "You said you needed me."


	15. Chapter 15

An hour later, the sisters were sat on the sofa, Roxy cradling Ronnie's head in her lap and gently stroking her hair, she remembered how that soothed her. "Ron? You gonna tell me what happened?" Roxy asked, her voice low and quiet.

Almost as soon as Roxy had stepped foot inside the flat, Ronnie had broken down in tears, her body wracked with sobs that seemed as though they were pulling her insides out. So Roxy had held her, held her until the sobs had quietened and all that were left were the slivers of tear tracks that glistened on Ronnie's cheeks.

But now Roxy needed to know why she'd been crying.

Now she was asking for the reason Ronnie had called.

When Roxy had got that message, she had booked herself onto the first train back to Walford. She'd rushed around like a headless chicken, only thinking straight for a limited amount of time so she was able to pack a bag. But she'd got on that train in the dead of night and now she was here. For Ronnie.

"Ron?"

"Where've you been?" Ronnie asked, trying to put off the moment when she admitted the mess she had made for herself.

"Spain," Roxy lied.

"On your own?"

Roxy nodded. "Yeah. Ron . . . why are you crying?"

"I came back looking for you and then . . . you weren't here and I'd found out that . . ." Ronnie stopped, her voice cracking with emotion.

"Found out what?" Roxy asked, needing to find out exactly what was wrong so she could make it better.

"Jack's with Tanya."

Roxy felt her body stiffen at the mention of Jack's name and her eyebrows shoot upwards. **_That's_**_ the reason she dragged me back here? 'Cos lover boy's copping off with his sister in law?_

"He's left with her, they're in France now." Roxy let go of the breath she had been holding, but within that moment, her heart stopped beating.

"I'm having his baby, Rox."

Roxy felt the breath rush out of her lungs. Had she heard right? Had Ronnie just said that she was pregnant with Jack's baby? _Jack's_ baby? Her entire body felt as though it was made of stone, momentarily paralysed by the shock.

"Roxy?" Ronnie sighed. "I know, okay?"

"Know what?" Her younger sister asked warily.

"How much you hate him. I know. But that doesn't change the fact that he's the dad." Roxy nodded her head, but remained silent. "Rox please, say something!"

"Erm, congratulations I guess. . . Does he, Jack, does he er . . . know?" Ronnie didn't say anything. "He left even after you told him?" Disgust laced her words and Roxy's heart broke as she thought of that moment, when her sister told Jack she was pregnant and Jack walked away.

"No."

"What?"

"He doesn't know. I . . .didn't tell him." Roxy nodded her head, once again remaining silent. "Aren't you going to say anything?" Ronnie asked warily, so used to Roxy's emotional outbursts that her silence was unnerving.

"I'm hardly one to talk, am I? If it had been up to me, we'd have left without Sean knowing, wouldn't we?"

"Yeah," Ronnie breathed softly, closing her eyes as she surrendered herself to the comfort only her baby sister could give her. "A right pair, aren't we?" She mused.

"Ron?" Roxy said tentatively.

"Yeah?" 

"Why didn't you tell him? I mean, my reasons were obvious – Sean's a psycho that can't look after a plant, let alone a baby, but Jack . . ." Roxy paused, choosing her words carefully. "He's already a dad . . ."

"Yeah . . . to Penny and Lauren and Abi and Oscar." Ronnie let out a sad sigh. "He loves Tanya and this baby, _my_ baby, they're not a consolation prize." Ronnie felt her lips curve into a smile as thoughts of the life growing inside of her filled her mind. Images of a baby swaddled in blankets, a little girl running around the flat, dressed in a grey school uniform washed through her heart. This was happening, it was real. Ronnie's heart skipped a beat and she had to remind herself to take a deep breath to steady it. "Aunty Peg's gonna be happy – the Vic's going to be filled with babies," she said, the grin still fixed to her face.

"No, it won't," Roxy replied quickly.

Ronnie frowned, lifting herself from Roxy's lap and twisting her body so that she was facing her. "You're staying, right?" Roxy nodded. "Then why won't . . ." Her words trailed off as for the first time, Ronnie's gaze fixed itself on her younger sister's stomach. "Rox . . ."

"I got rid, didn't I?"


	16. Chapter 16

Ronnie stared at her little sister, trying to comprehend what she had just told her. _I got rid._ That was what she'd said. _Rid._ The bile rose in Ronnie's throat, but she pushed it down, knowing that if she didn't have this conversation now, it would just be swept under the carpet and never mentioned again.

"What?" Ronnie gasped out. Roxy shrugged in reply. "Don't just _shrug_ Roxy! You had an, an _abortion_?"

Roxy turned her head, not wanting to see the look of betrayal on Ronnie face. _This has nothing to do with her, why is she acting like this? She was the one that wanted me to have an abortion in the first place and now when there's no baby, she's playing the wounded party?_

"Yes," Roxy stated quickly.

"When?" Ronnie furrowed her brows, unable to comprehend the enormity of Roxy's revelation.

"About a week after I left Ibiza. It's not a big deal, Ron-"

"Not a big deal?" Ronnie's voice came out low and husky and she could already feel the emotion beginning to crack through. "You had an abortion, Rox-"

"I thought you'd be happy-"

"Happy? Happy?" Ronnie sprang up from the sofa and began to pace the floor of her living room.

"Are you just gonna keep repeating the last bit of everything I say? Or can you get over it now?" Roxy asked, a pout already dressing her lips. "I had an abortion Ronnie, I wasn't ready to be a mum. That's it, that's all there is to it. Nobody forced my hand, nobody talked me into it – it was my decision, I did it. Okay?"

Ronnie watched as her sister's voice grew louder and more shrill, her long blonde hair flying about her as she spoke. _She wanted that baby, she made plans and then she just . . . got rid of them? She was so certain, so sure of what she wanted to do. We moved to Ibiza so she could give this baby everything without having psycho Sean breathing down her neck. What changed?_

"Was it because of me?" Ronnie found herself whispering the question, terrified of the answer.

"I just said, didn't I? It was my decision, I wanted it – it was nothing to do with anyone else, okay?" There was a pause as silence reigned between the sisters, an unwelcome presence in their lives. "Now come on, sit back down and tell me about your baby." Roxy plastered a broad smile on her face as she motioned for Ronnie to sit next to her.

Ronnie looked at her curiously but did as she was told. "Ron," Roxy whispered, tucking a stray lock of her hair behind Ronnie's ear. "Don't look like that. It's nothing like what happened with you, okay? It just . . . it wasn't the right time and it wasn't the right person, that's all."

"Why didn't you call me?" Ronnie asked, her heart breaking at the thought of her baby sister going through that on her own.

Roxy shrugged. "I'm a big girl, aren't I? Anyway, it's about time I start being there for you."

Ronnie tried to smile, she felt her lips twitch into shape but the weight of what Roxy had told her was almost strangling her.

"I mean it Ron, I'm gonna be here for you from now on. You don't need Jack, I'm gonna be there every step of the way. You don't need anybody else."


	17. Chapter 17

"Come on, Ronnie!" Roxy shouted through the bathroom door, impatiently tapping her foot and looking at her watch. "Everything's gonna be closed at this rate!"

Four weeks had passed since she had returned to the Square and surprisingly quickly, Roxy had been able to adjust to the life she had grown accustomed to. The conversation with Sean had been hard, she'd told him the truth and then swore him to secrecy. It wasn't something she was ready to share with the rest of world just yet. He'd scoffed and raised his eyebrows, asking what he was meant to tell the rest of his family. "_Tell 'em there was no baby, it was a false alarm."_

"Move away from the door Rox, I can't pee under pressure!" Ronnie's yells cut through Roxy's thoughts, dragging her back to the present. She huffed and rolled her eyes, but remained where she was standing. A few minutes passed. "You finished now?" She shouted, smirking slightly at the thought of making Ronnie jump. She heard the sound of the toilet flushing and the taps running before Ronnie yanked open the bathroom door.

"Yes." Ronnie paused, a thoughtful expression on her face. "Oh wait."

"Ronnie!" Roxy squealed, exasperated.

"Kidding," Ronnie replied, laughing. "It's this baby, I'm telling you."

Roxy looked at her older sister, her face alight with sheer joy, something that she hadn't seen before, something that had been a long time coming. _She deserves this. She deserves this baby . . . in a way I never did._

A pang of longing shot through Roxy's chest and she could feel the emotion spill onto her face. Her jaw set and she pursed her lips, hoping that the emotion would pass.

"What?" Ronnie asked, noticing the strange look on Roxy's face.

Her younger sister shook her head. "Nothing, you just . . . you look really happy, Ron."

Ronnie lifted her shoulders in a small shrug, the wide grin still on her face. "I'm having a baby." She bit down onto her bottom lip, trying to suppress the smile, but it was no use, it shone through no matter what she tried to do.

Roxy nodded her head, a smile coating her lips. "You deserve to be, Ron."

"Oh, I nearly forgot," Ronnie said, abruptly turning on her heel and walking into her bedroom before coming back to the hall within a matter of seconds. She passed the small square of paper to her sister.

"What's this?" Roxy asked as she looked into Ronnie's face.

"It's my twelve week scan . . ."

"Oh Ronnie," Roxy gushed, her eyes filling with tears as she looked upon the sonogram picture. "I'm gonna have a nephew."

"That's an arm, Rox – we don't find out the sex until the twenty week scan."

"I still think it's gonna be a boy," Roxy replied quickly, her eyes still transfixed on the picture for a few moments longer. Clearing her throat, she slipped the photo into her bag and hooked her arm through Ronnie's and guided her out of the flat.

"Let's do what we were born to – let's shop! I need to buy lots of presents for my nephew!"

Roxy sat at her dressing table, giggling as she saw the reflection of the mountain of shopping bags that had been piled high on her bed. Turning, she sifted through the various bags before picking up a small gift bag. She put her hand inside and drew out a tiny blue teddy bear. She held the toy tightly between two fingers, her eyes glancing from it to the sonogram picture she had stuck to the edge of her mirror.

_Ronnie's baby._ She thought to herself. And as much as she tried to muster up a smile, she couldn't.

_I'm happy for her. I'm happy for my sister. She's pregnant. Having a baby. It's everything she's ever wanted. I'm happy for her._

_I am._

_Then why do I feel like this? Why do I get so jealous? Ronnie deserves this. After everything that happened with Amy, she deserves this._

_Just like I deserved my little boy._

"I'm going with her to the twenty week scan tomorrow. I'm going with Ronnie. I'm going to see her baby. And everything's going to be okay!" She said aloud, drumming the words into her mind, but even as she heard them spread through the empty room, a pool of terror opened up in the pit of her stomach.

Roxy took a deep, rattling breath. She felt a shudder of emotion run through her body and found herself dropping to the edge of the bed, her legs unable to support her weight. Her breaths were short and shallow and as hard as she tried to regulate her breathing, it felt as though she was free falling into a pit of darkness.

_Breathe, Roxy – just breathe._

"Roxy?" Ronnie called out as she pushed open the door and stepped into Roxy's bedroom. She saw her sister hunched over, her head between her knees. "Rox? What's wrong? What's the matter?" She asked, immediately rushing over to her and holding Roxy's face in her hands. "Roxy, sweetie, say something. Tell me what's wrong."

"I want my baby, Ron. I want my baby back. I want him back," Roxy sobbed, the tears streaming down her cheeks.

Ronnie hugged her sister's small body close to hers. "Oh darling, shh, shh."

"I just want him back, Ron. Everything was perfect, the nursery was done and then he, then he . . . "

Ronnie's body went stiff and she slowly drew away from her sister. "You said you had an abortion," she whispered, confusion marring her face. _Why did she have a nursery if she was going to get an abortion?_

Roxy's sobs turned into incoherent wails, but Ronnie was still able to hear her sister's heart break. She bundled Roxy to herself, wrapping her in a tight embrace and rocking her as the grief poured of her body. "Shh, shh," Ronnie hushed, even as the tears filled her own eyes and slipped from her eyelids.


	18. Chapter 18

An hour later, the sisters were curled up in Roxy's bed, tucked deep beneath the duvet; as though hiding from the rest of the world. Roxy lay in Ronnie's arm, her sobs had quietened but the tear tracks lining her cheeks were still fresh with moisture.

"Why did you say you had an abortion?" The question was murmured, almost not voiced, but it had been and Roxy had heard it.

Ronnie felt Roxy shrug her shoulders beneath the thick duvet. "If I just pretended I had an abortion, it was my choice, that I wanted it, then that's okay. But if it was a miscarriage, that means my baby died for no reason and I couldn't do anything to stop it."

"Oh darling, why didn't you tell me?" Ronnie whispered, holding onto her sister that little bit tighter. "I would've been there in a minute, Rox."

"I don't know," she replied, but a part of her knew that she was lying. If she had called Ronnie, she would have to tell her and saying it loud wasn't an option for her at that time. She wasn't ready to admit it to herself, let alone Ronnie. And there was no way that Roxy could inflict that on her sister. Ronnie had already lost a daughter, she couldn't be there for her as Roxy lost her son.

"He was a boy?"

Roxy nodded. "Yeah."

Ronnie closed her eyes for a moment, thinking of how difficult it must have been for Roxy to say goodbye to her child. An image of a baby's face passed across the dark canvass and instantly Ronnie felt the familiar tug at the centre of her chest.

_Amy._ The ghost of a voice swirled through Ronnie's mind, the whispers almost deafening her with their anguish. _Amy._ The name reverberated in her head, bouncing off the walls. She could feel it pushing into every crevice, every tiny part of her.

_She's out there, she's not dead. _

_Not like Roxy's baby._

Ronnie blinked, trying to disperse the thoughts that had taken over her heart. "Were you on your own when it . . . when it happened?" The question was tentative, cautious and unsure.

Roxy shook her head, freeing several teardrops that had been clinging onto her bottom lashes. "No, I wasn't. I had someone there." She paused for a moment, trying to control her trembling bottom lip. "Ron?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't want to talk about this anymore. I don't want to," Roxy begged, turning to her sister and burying her face in Ronnie's chest. She was a child again, pleading with Ronnie to not make her go into school that day.

"Okay," Ronnie whispered, stroking Roxy's long blonde hair as she tried to soothe her and ease her pain. "You don't have to."

Later that night, Ronnie silently slipped out of Roxy's room, quietly closing the door behind her before walking through to the kitchen. As she poured herself a glass of water, Ronnie sighed, blowing the fringe out of her eyes.

"Ere – is she alright?" Peggy asked, coming in and sitting down at the table.

Ronnie shrugged. "She didn't have an abortion."

Peggy's eyes grew wide in disbelief. "What? But she said- . . . what happened?"

Ronnie cast her eyes to her aunt's face, their gaze locking for a moment. Words weren't needed at that point. Peggy sighed, her heart feeling heavy with grief. "That poor girl," she said, putting a hand to her mouth.

"Yeah," Ronnie murmured, staring into her glass of water.

"Does Sean know?"

Ronnie nodded her head. "Rox said she told him when she got back." Ronnie let out a sigh. "God – how hard would that have been for her? To go through five months and then for them to say that . . . " She stopped, clamping down on her bottom lip.

"Ronnie? What is it?" Peggy asked, her face a picture of concern.

"It's my twenty week scan tomorrow . . . five months . . ."

Peggy shook her head. She stood up from her seat and crossed the room so that she was standing next to her niece. "Nah, that happened to Roxy – that's not going to happen to you. This little one's been kicking away for the last week, so we know they're fine, Ronnie. We know that."

Ronnie nodded, her fears somewhat allayed by her aunt's words. "Yeah, yeah, they've been kicking. I just . . . I wish I had . . . ." She trailed off, already feeling the tiny pinpricks behind her eyes. _Damn these hormones!_ Ronnie thought to herself. _They're making me an emotional wreck._

"Someone to worry about these things with you?" Peggy amended.

"Yeah."

"Well, you know what you have to do, Ron." Ronnie glanced to her aunt's face, her brows furrowed. "Call him, tell him about the baby. France isn't that far away, darlin'."

"How did you-"

"Well, it's not exactly rocket science, is it? I saw the way you both looked at each other. Call Jack and tell him you're having his baby. At least, at least then you've given him the choice." Peggy smiled encouragingly and rubbed Ronnie's arm. "Go on darling, you won't know what he wants until you tell him."


	19. Chapter 19

Ronnie sank into the hot water, relishing the feel of the warmth enveloping her entire body. She closed her eyes as she leant her head against the porcelain edge of the bath, a soft sigh escaping her lips. "Just what I needed," she murmured.

But even as she felt the knots in her shoulders begin to fall away, a thought tugged at the edges of Ronnie's mind. _I need to call him. Aunty Peggy's right, I have to give him that choice._ With her left hand, Ronnie reached for her mobile, before remembering that water and electricity shouldn't mix and wiping her hand on a nearby towel.

Finally retrieving the phone, Ronnie held it in her hand and stared at the screen. "Okay, I'm going to ring Jack now. I will. Now . . . right now I'm gonna ring him."

Ronnie's fingers stayed curled around the piece of plastic and made no attempt to jab at the buttons. She rolled her eyes before placing it back on the bathroom floor.

"Okay, I'll call him after my bath."

Slipping her arm back beneath the water, Ronnie laid her hands across her stomach. A smile instantly lit up her entire face. Her stomach was slightly rounded now, the pregnancy not quite obvious beneath her clothing, but now it was plain to see that a life was growing inside of her.

"Sixteen centimetres," Ronnie said aloud. "That's how big you are," she told her bump, her fingers lovingly caressing her stomach. "And you're all curled up inside mummy. But you're definitely moving a bit now."

There were no words to describe Ronnie in that moment as she talked to her unborn child, as her body gave life to something else. She would have been perfectly content to spend the next five months just like that, alone with her unborn child. But she knew she couldn't do that.

"Because you're not just mummy's, are you?" Letting out a deep breath, she reached outside of the bathtub, wiping her hands once again and picking up her mobile.

"Okay," she stated. "Give me a little flutter if you think I should call your daddy and a kick if you think I shouldn't."

Ronnie waited, looking down at her stomach through the water, but nothing happened.

"You're seriously not going to help me?" She asked, a giggle falling from her lips. "Okay, let's try that again. A kick if you think I shouldn't or do nothing if you think I should call him." Ronnie waited a moment. Nothing happened. "I guess mummy's about to have a very difficult conversation," she muttered as she scrolled through the contact list.

She put the phone to her ear. Her fingers drummed against the rim of the bath as she waited for the call to connect. Her breath hitched in her throat as she heard the rings. Ronnie swallowed.

"Hi," Jack's voice rang out from her phone.

"Hi, Jack-"

"You've reached the answer phone service for Jack Branning. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as possible."

The frustration built in Ronnie and she felt as though she wanted to fling the phone across the bathroom, but she didn't. Instead, she reigned in her exasperation at Jack and did what he had asked. She left a message.

"Hi Jack, it's Ronnie. Can you er, can you call me when you get this? It's important."


	20. Chapter 20

Ronnie impatiently drummed her fingers against the arm of her seat, the rhythmic sound in time to her heart beat. She let a breath of air hiss out between her parted lips, blowing her fringe from out of her eyes.

Roxy looked at her sister out of the corner of her eye. "Stop it," she said, a small smile curving her lips.

"Okay," Ronnie agreed and her finger stilled.

A few moments later, Roxy closed the glossy magazine she had been reading and placed a hand over her sister's. "You're doing it again."

"Oh, sorry," Ronnie replied, a surprised look crossing her face as she looked at her dancing fingers.

Roxy shook her head. "No, I get it. Nerves, ain't it?"

Ronnie nodded. "Yeah." She looked around the hospital waiting room, at the other expectant mothers, holding their partner's hand and talking in hushed tones. A pang of sorrow swept across her, almost overwhelming her with the severity of the pain.

"Ron?" Roxy called out to her.

"Hmm?" She asked, distractedly.

"You have that look again."

"What look?" Ronnie enquired.

Roxy just raised an eyebrow. "He's gone, Ronnie. He left with his sister in law and he hasn't replied to any of your messages-"

"_One_ message." Roxy just continued to look at her. "And one text message. That was all. Not 'messages' as in plural, just 'message'."

Roxy rolled her eyes. "Whatever. The bottom line is that Jack's an arsehole that you really need to forget about, okay?" She watched as Ronnie looked away from her, her eyes focused on the couple opposite them. The woman must've been at least eight months pregnant and her husband's hands lay flat across her swollen stomach. "He's not here Ronnie and he won't be. He's playing 'Happy Families' with Tanya and her kids. . . This is what you've wanted for so long, Ronnie . . . does it matter that he's not here?"

Ronnie let Roxy's words soak in, contemplating the life she would lead now that Jack was gone. _She's right. Of course, she's right. He's gone and there's probably a hundred percent chance that he won't be back. He's got his family and soon . . . soon I'll have mine._

"You're right," Ronnie murmured. "This baby is all that I need," she stated just as a nurse came out into the waiting area and called out her name.

"Come on, Ron – let's go see your baby."

Ronnie sat behind her desk in the office of R&R, tears streaming down her face. She held a sonogram picture in her quivering hands. _This is everything I've ever wanted, everything I've dreamt of._ She thought to herself as fresh tears formed in her eyes and trickled down her cheeks.

Placing the picture flat on her desk, Ronnie wiped at her eyes. _You're being silly and hormonal. Get a grip, eh Ronnie?_ She leant forward to grasp the handle of a drawer, her necklace tumbled out of the folds of her top and swung free.

Sighing, Ronnie straightened up, gently clasping the delicate metal in her hands. She sought out the oval locket and tenderly opened it. A sad smile instantly lifted her lips. "Hello, darling," she whispered. "You're going to be a big sister in five months time." Ronnie felt an invisible knife plunge into her chest, puncturing her heart a little bit more with each breath she drew.

Placing a hand on her stomach, Ronnie closed the locket and let it fall back to its position against her body. "You have a big sister and she's completely . . . beautiful and smart and . . . happy and . . . loved. You see, mummy was told that she couldn't look after her, so she was taken to these amazing parents that could. And they gave Amy everything she could ever want. They love her and protect her. They chose her, they love her that much, they chose her. And even though mummy wants Amy here, as long she's happy and healthy and loved . . . I can, I can wait . . . I can wait for the day I get to see her again."

Ronnie let out the shuddering breath that had caught in her throat. She shook her head, trying to rid it of thoughts of the moment her baby was ripped from her arms. _It's okay, it's okay._ She told herself. _She's okay._

A knock on the office door snatched Ronnie out of her thoughts. Hurriedly, she picked up the scan photo and placed it into a drawer of her desk. "Come in," she called out, clearing her throat and picking up a pen.

"Y'aright?" A voice asked as Max entered the office.

"Max," Ronnie stated, confused by the sudden appearance of Jack's older brother. "What can I do for you?"

Max looked at her curiously, his eyes sweeping over her face and scrutinising it. "You been crying?"

Ronnie scoffed. "Was there something you wanted?"

Max paused, narrowing his eyes slightly as he took in her expression once more. "Yeah, yeah - I need Jack's number."

Ronnie raised an eyebrow. "He's your brother, shouldn't you already have that?"

"Don't play games with me, alright Ronnie? I ain't in the mood."

"That makes two of us," she replied sharply, taking out her phone and scribbling Jack's phone number down on a yellow post it note. She peeled it off and handed the paper to Max.

His fingers brushed against hers as he took the number, his touch lingering for a moment too long. "Thanks," Max breathed, placing the post it in his jacket pocket. "And I'm here . . . if you ever want to talk."

"Why would I ever come to you?" Ronnie asked, slightly incredulous. Her and Max hadn't been close, far from it. They both knew that they'd only been using each other to make Jack and Tanya jealous and now that neither of them were around, well . . . what would be the point in continuing that charade?

"'Cos you hate him almost as much as I do."

Ronnie looked at Max, completely stunned by his words. She knew there was bad blood between the two brothers, but hate? _I guess it makes sense – Jack did leave the country with Max's wife and kids. Why am I surprised he hates him._

_You're not . . . you're surprised Max thinks **you** hate him._

"I don't hate him."

"No?" Max asked, sitting down in the chair opposite Ronnie.

She shook her head. "No."

"Could've fooled me." Ronnie stared at him, her face purposely expressionless. A moment of silence stretched between the pair before Max completely shattered it. "I know what happened between yer."

"So does the whole Square, old news wouldn't you say?" She replied, coolly.

Max shook his head. "Nah, not in January. A couple of months ago – when you came back."

Ronnie felt her body stiffen and her grasp on the pen she was holding become tighter, but still she looked into Max's face, refusing to be seen to be unnerved by Max's accusation. Instead, she raised a perfectly arched eyebrow. "Really?" Ronnie asked, nonchalantly, an edge of amusement in her voice.

Max nodded. "Yeah – the night your drink got spiked. I saw him with yer."

Ronnie shrugged her slender shoulders. "So? Not that I remember a lot of that night, but I'm assuming that as we both own this club, a lot of people would have seen me and Jack together."

"Nah, I ain't talking about that, Ron. I **saw** you with Jack."

"Saw _what_ exactly?" Ronnie asked, testily. The corners of Max's lips curved into a smirk, but he said nothing. "I thought you weren't in the mood to play games?"

"Nobody's playing games here, Ron."

"No, of course you're not," she replied sarcastically. "Well, I've had a lovely chat about your eyesight, but if that's all, I've got work to do." Ronnie made a move to grab hold of some of the papers that were piled high on her desk, but Max caught her hand.

"It's not all," he murmured.

"Max – what are you doing?" Ronnie asked, frowning.

"Call Tanya."

"What? Why would I do that?"

"Tell 'er about what happened between you and Jack, she'll believe you, she won't believe me-"

"Oh, so suddenly I'm the go-to girl for sorting out your love life? If you hadn't slept with your son's teenage fiancée, maybe you wouldn't be in this situation?"

"He'll come back!" Max blurted out. "Jack will come back and then you guys can-"

"No!" Ronnie exclaimed, resolutely. Her blue eyes pierced through Max's, searing through his flesh until all that was left was a trail of ashes. She shook her head. "No."


	21. Chapter 21

Ronnie stood at the living room window of the Vic, peering out into the darkened Square, tinged with orange light from the street lamps. Letting the white net curtain fall back into place, she turned and surveyed the room, the debris from that day scattered everywhere.

A small smile played on her lips as Ronnie placed her hands against her baby bump. "Merry Christmas, darling," Ronnie said to her unborn child. "This time next year, you'll be in mummy's arms and Roxy and Aunty Peggy will be fussing over you, no doubt."

"Yup, we'll definitely be doing that," Roxy stated, entering the living room and sitting down on the sofa. "Man, I'm stuffed!" She exclaimed, screwing up her face slightly as she thought of the amount of food she had eaten that day.

"Aren't we both?" Ronnie replied, carefully sitting down next to her sister.

"Yeah, but there's a baby in your stomach – there's just turkey in mine."

Ronnie laughed, but suddenly sat up straighter and placed a hand on her stomach, a surprised look on her face.

"Ron? You okay?" Roxy asked, moving forward on the sofa.

"Erm, yeah. I think so . . ."

"Think so? What does that mean?" The panic was evident in Roxy's voice. "Okay, that's it. We're taking you down the hospital," she stated, jumping up from the sofa and frantically searching for her car keys. "Where the hell are my keys?"

Ronnie caught hold of her younger sister's hand and slowly guided it to her expanding stomach. "I think, I think she's got the hiccups," Ronnie whispered, as she felt a series of rapid movements. Roxy's eyes widened in surprise and a broad grin broke out on her face.

"Fairy wings," Roxy murmured.

"What?"

"That's, that's what it feels like. Wings opening up."

Ronnie reached out a hand and gently stroked Roxy's long blonde hair. "What did I do to deserve you, eh?" Her younger sister frowned. "No, Rox . . . I honestly don't know what I would've done if you weren't here, you've been . . . amazing. Every scan and hospital appointment, bringing me chocolate éclairs at the club, even working there a few nights so I didn't have to. I'm . . ." She giggled slightly. "You're gonna think I'm a right soppy cow, but . . .I'm so grateful you're my sister."

Roxy shook her head, the tears welling up in her eyes. The guilt and the knowledge of what she had done weighed heavily on her heart. She had slept with Jack and betrayed the one person in the world that loved her unconditionally and had been there for her no matter what she had done. But even as Roxy had helped Ronnie, she'd been dishonest and conniving. She'd thought that the easier and smoother Ronnie's pregnancy would go, the less she'd need Jack. But Roxy could see the dull ache in her sister's heart, the way the smiles sometimes didn't reach her eyes.

She wanted Jack. She wanted her baby's father.

"I er, I'm er . . . just repaying you for looking after me all this time. But Ron . . ." Roxy paused, the doubts of what she was about to suddenly flooding her mind. _Am I really about to do this? I've tried to erase him from her life for the last couple of months and now, now I'm telling her to do the opposite? . . . She loves him. But he broke her heart. No . . .I did that. But . . .this baby needs a dad._

"Yeah?" Ronnie asked.

"Have you thought about calling Jack?"


	22. Chapter 22

Ronnie sat at her kitchen table, holding her phone in her trembling hands. She was doing this. She was calling Jack to tell him something she should have told him five months ago, the moment she found out. Letting out a deep breath, Ronnie flipped open the phone and scrolled through her contact list.

She heard the ringing tone and brought it up to her ear. Ronnie could hear her heartbeat pounding in her ears, so much so, she almost didn't make out Jack's voice.

"Hello?"

A soft gasp escaped from Ronnie's parted lips.

"Hello? Ronnie? Is that you?"

She cleared her throat. "Yeah, yeah – sorry, I er couldn't hear you for a moment." There was silence on the other line. "So, er, how's France?"

"Good."

"And Penny?"

"She's good."

Ronnie nodded her head for a moment before realising that Jack couldn't see her response. "Right, that's . . . good," she cringed at her words, trying to think of a way to tell him about the baby. "So, listen Jack, I er called you a little while ago. Did you, did you er . . . get that message?"

"Yeah," Jack replied.

Ronnie frowned. "And you didn't think to call me back?" She heard him sigh.

"Ron – it's Christmas-"

"I know it's Christmas, Jack," she said curtly. "How about you extend some of that festive cheer and answer me honestly for once?" Ronnie asked, an edge of anger to her voice. She paused for a moment, reigning in her emotions. "Why didn't you call me back? It was important."

"Look, Ron . . ." Jack paused, unsure of what to say to her. She could almost feel his exasperation through the phone. Ronnie closed her eyes, hating the way he said her name. It reminded her of the way he would say it when they would lie in each others' arms. Shaking her head, she opened her eyes, aware that Jack was talking again. "If this is about the club, you don't need to call me – you've got free reign over that now-"

"It's not about the club, it's about me Jack!" Ronnie exclaimed, she could feel her anger levels rising. _Why do I let him get to me like this? Arrogant pig!_

"Ronnie, I'm with Tanya – it's been months, why can't accept that?"

And before Ronnie could even stop the words coming out of her mouth, she had said them. "Because I'm pregnant."

Ronnie sucked in a sharp breath and waited for his reply. She felt her heart drumming away beneath her chest. _Okay, he's just processing it. That's all. It's been a shock and he just needs to let it sink in. Let the fact that he's going to be a dad again sink in. And he's obviously going to be thinking about how that will impact his life. . ._

_Is he going to move back to Walford? Stay in France? Be a part time dad? Will our daughter even know who he is if he does that?_

After a few moments, Ronnie let go of the breath she had been holding. "Jack?"

Silence reigned on the other end of the phone.

"Jack?" Ronnie said more forcefully this time, getting irritable. "Jack – would you just SAY something? I'm pregnant and you're going to be a dad. Deal with it!" She exclaimed, her anger finally boiling over, prepared to hang up on Jack, but as Ronnie drew her phone away she saw that the screen was blank.

"Oh for fuck's sake!" She shouted before hurling the useless piece of plastic at the wall opposite her. Sighing heavily, Ronnie let her head drop into her hands as the tears leaked from the corners of her eyes.

_This is a sign. It must be. Twice I've tried to tell him and twice I've failed at it. Maybe this is the universe's way of telling me to give it up. To give him up?_

"No," she said to herself. "Twice I've tried to call him and tell him . . . but how else am I meant to-" Stopping mid sentence, Ronnie walked over to the coffee table and opened up the laptop that was sitting on top of it. As she waited for the computer to load, she nervously drummed her fingers against the top of the table, her movements vibrated through the glass.

Logging into her email, Ronnie quickly opened up a new message.

**From: ****.**

**To: ****.**

**Subject: (none)**

Okay, so this isn't exactly the ideal way of telling you this, Jack – but I've run out of options now. We can't sustain a conversation on the phone and now that my battery's died, I can't wait for it to charge and call you back because I'm starting to lose my nerve now.

So I'm writing this email.

And I'm sorry for not telling you sooner, but you weren't exactly in the mood to talk to me before you left. So I'm telling you now.

And whatever you decide to do is fine. I'll figure it out. I'm used to that.

So, here it is. The thing I've been trying to tell you for **months** now.

I'm six months pregnant with our little girl.

I'll say that again for you just in case you think you've been hallucinating. I (Ronnie Mitchell) am pregnant with your baby. She's a girl and she's due on the 5th of April. Everything's fine – I've had the first two scans and everything's fine.

I've told you. Now it's up to you what you want to do.

Ronnie's finger hovered over the touch pad before she guided the mouse to the top of the page.

_Message sent._

Jack felt his blackberry vibrate in his trouser pocket. Digging it out, he saw the icon indicating a new email. Jack clicked into his email and saw Ronnie's name. He frowned, his thumb ready to click into the message, but something stopped him.

_She hung up on you when you went off on one about being with Tanya. This message is hardly gonna be something you wanna read._

Jack closed his eyes, their last conversation playing in his mind. He'd been so sharp with her, but . . . there wasn't any other way he could make her hate him. And he had to do. _We both need to move on. I need to give her that chance._

"Oh god," Jack muttered, running a hand over his face. "I was such a bastard to her."

"Jack?" Tanya asked, popping into their bedroom with a screaming Oscar in her arms.

"Yeah."

"What're you doing in the dark?" She questioned, chuckling. "Come downstairs, the girls are waiting for you before they start the DVD." Tanya glanced to the phone Jack held in his hands.

Jack caught her look. "Oh, it's just an email about the club."

Still smiling, Tanya rolled her eyes. "You need to seriously let go of that place – Ronnie's perfectly capable of running it," she said good naturedly before leaving the room and heading to Oscar's.

"Yeah," Jack murmured, he pressed a few buttons.

**_Delete message on mailbox and handheld_**

"I have to let her go."

Ronnie lay across the sofa, every few minutes reaching out to her laptop and hitting the refresh button.

**_No new messages_**

"He's just processing it, that's all," she told herself, even though doubt edged through her mind.

_Come on, Ronnie. Do you really believe that? Really?_

Sighing, she looked at her watch. Two o' clock in the morning. It was Boxing Day now. Christmas was officially over.

And gone with it was Ronnie's last hope for Jack.

Curling into the foetal position on the sofa, Ronnie placed a protective hand over her unborn child's resting place for the next four months. "I guess it's just you and me now," Ronnie whispered, her voice choked with emotion.

_I really thought he'd reply. With . . . **something** at least. I guess he wasn't the man I thought he was._

"It's okay baby girl, you've got me. And we are all that we need in this world," Ronnie said aloud, even as the tears pooled in the corners of her eyes before splashing onto the sofa. "Just you and me."


	23. Chapter 23

Ronnie sat at the bar of the Vic, her elbows on the shiny surface as Roxy mixed cocktail after cocktail. "It still doesn't taste right!" She pouted, before slamming the glass down on the bar and huffing. It was Valentine's Day and Roxy was trying her best to recreate one of the drinks from their days in Ibiza. "I'm never gonna get this stupid drink right!"

"Well, don't look at me – Tinkerbell here's tee total," Ronnie replied, patting her large stomach.

Roxy grinned, mischievously. "Wait until her eighteenth birthday."

Ronnie scoffed. "You'll be hitting fifty, Rox – there'll be no dancing on tables for you; you might put your hip out."

Roxy opened her mouth wide to protest, but the horror of being fifty in eighteen years time made her speechless and all she could do was scoff. "I'm not going to be fifty."

"No?" Ronnie asked, a playful smile on her face.

Roxy shook her head. "I just ain't." She folded her arms across her chest, her bottom lip jutting out ever so slightly, instantly reminding Ronnie of her younger sister as a child. "You can't make me."

Ronnie burst out laughing before stopping abruptly, wincing slightly as she grabbed hold of her stomach.

"Ron? You okay?"

Ronnie nodded. "Yeah, yeah – just another one of her kidney shots."

Roxy shook her head and bent forward at the waist so she was looking over the bar. "You really need to stop doing that, missy," she spoke to Ronnie's stomach. "'Cos every time you do, Aunty Roxy has a little heart attack. So, let's just stop that for now, yeah? You just stay in there, all nice and comfy, for the next two months and we'll get on great, okay?"

She straightened up and looked at her older sister. "We had words."

Ronnie smiled, propping an elbow up onto the bar and placing her chin in her hand, the other lazily caressing her stomach, hoping that would help settle her baby.

"So?" Roxy asked, taking out more bottles of spirits and placing them in front of herself.

"So what?"

"Have you heard from him?" Ronnie shifted her gaze so that she was no longer looking at her sister. "Veronica."

"Roxanne," Ronnie replied, mimicking Roxy's tone of voice. She sighed, blowing her fringe out of her eyes. She paused for a moment. "No, I haven't and I'm not going to-"

"You don't know that."

"It's been two months, I _do_ know that," she countered.

"He might not've read his messages." Ronnie rolled her eyes. "Or, he could've accidentally deleted it."

"Pfff. Who accidentally deletes an email-?"

"I do it about three times a day."

"Yes, well . . ." Ronnie trailed off.

"Ron, just call him one last time – what have you got to lose?" Roxy urged her sister.

"That last piece of my heart that isn't broken?" Ronnie offered wryly. Silence reigned between the two sisters as Ronnie stared into the wood panelling of the bar and Roxy looked at her older sister, her heartache a gulf between them. Ronnie felt Roxy's warm hand curl around her arm. "It hurts me, Rox . . . calling him and him . . . not being the man I fell in love with. It hurts me." Ronnie looked up into Roxy's ice blue eyes.

She nodded, a sad smile lingering on her lips. "Who needs guys anyway, eh?"

Ronnie smiled, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. "Yeah, who needs Jack when I have you?"

"Roxanne, you left this in Weymouth," a voice stated as a small red gift bag was placed on the bar top. Roxy felt her breath hitch in her throat.

Ronnie swivelled around in her seat. Her eyes grew wide in shock.

"Hello, Veronica. Aren't you going to give your old dad a kiss?"

Ronnie felt her heart plummet through her stomach, the organ suddenly lifeless. It was as though her blood had turned to ice in her veins, freezing her from the inside out.

Roxy looked between her sister and her dad, unsure of what she was meant to do.

"What are you doing here?" Ronnie asked slowly, her words containing the warmth of a glacier.

"No hug, Veronica?" Archie asked. Ronnie stayed silent, her blue eyes piercing through Archie's skin, seeking out all of his lies and hidden agendas. "I see that I'm about to be a grandfather."

Instinctively, Ronnie placed a protective hand across her stomach. "No, you're not."

Archie simply raised an eyebrow. "Well, you're my daughter, that makes the baby-"

"No, I'm not." Ronnie took a deep breath, she could feel the bile rising in her throat but she pushed it back down. _This isn't good for the baby. Just stay calm, Ronnie. Stay calm and just go. Just go._ She could hear her dad say something, but Ronnie was no longer listening, instead focusing on getting down from the stool and making her way to the double red doors of the Vic.

"Ronnie! Ron!" Roxy called after her sister, but her cries fell on deaf ears. "Ron – would you just wait a second!"

Roxy caught up with her just outside of the Vic, grabbing hold of her arm. "Ron, I didn't know he was going to turn up here, I swear I didn't-"

"_Why_ is he here, Roxy?"

Roxy swallowed, visibly perturbed by Ronnie's questions. "I er, left something at his house. I didn't think he'd bring it back here . . ."

"You went to see him? When?" Roxy looked away and the answer finally dawned on Ronnie. "Of course you did."

Roxy watched as a look of betrayal crossed her sister's face. "Ron, it wasn't like that. I was a mess, I had no idea where to go . . . he was all I had-"

"No! That's not true, Roxy. You had me and Aunty Peggy and Phil and this place. You could've come to any one of us, but you chose him!" Ronnie exclaimed, her voice cracking with emotion. She shook her head, feeling the pin prick of hot tears at the back of her eyes. "I can't . . . "

"Please, Ron, please can you just try and have a conversation with him? He's our dad-"

"No!" Ronnie stated, adamant.

"You can deny it all you want, Ronnie, but he _is_. And . . . he's sorry, you just have to hear the way he talks about you. He misses you and he wants to be a part of your life, a part of both our lives. Ron, can you just try? Please, for me?"

Ronnie looked at her little sister, tears welling in her blue eyes. Reaching out a hand, she placed it over the one Roxy had put on her arm before tugging it away. "You've no idea what he's done, Roxy."

"Please, Ron. Just hear him out. He was the only person that got me through that time and I know, I know he would've done that for you too," Roxy begged her sister. "He's sorry, Ronnie. He's sorry about Amy, but it was . . . for the best . . ."

Ronnie shook her head. "That doesn't make it okay."

"I know, I know, Ron. I know it doesn't. . . but it's been nineteen years," Roxy begged, the tears welling in her eyes as she thought of all the hurt and pain that had been passed from father to daughter and back again. "Nineteen years, Ron . . ."

"Really?" Ronnie murmured. "Feels like yesterday to me." She gently squeezed her sister's fingers before letting Roxy's hand drop back to her side. Ronnie shook her head. "I can't do it, Rox – you know that. He may be the person that got you through the miscarriage, but he will always be the man that ripped my daughter from my arms. . . No amount of time will change that."

Ronnie turned and began to walk away.

"Ron – where're you goin'?" Roxy asked, panicked.

"I need to be on my own," Ronnie replied without turning back as she walked back to her flat. Pushing the key through the lock, she hurried to the bedroom and took out a small suitcase. Opening the lid, Ronnie stood over it, her chest heaving.

_Am I really doing this? Running away again? That's not what I do . . . I stand my ground and fight._ Ronnie scoffed, blowing her fringe out of her eyes.

"What am I talking about? I'm always running away . . ."

_I'm running for two now and she has to be my priority. She **is**! And there is no way on this earth that that man is coming anywhere near her._

"He always does this, always turns me into this," she muttered, her hands trembling so much so that she clenched them into fists to stop them moving. Ronnie took a deep, steadying breath but the moment the air hit her lungs, her mind was flooded with memories.

_"No! Dad! Please! Don't daddy! Daddy! Please, don't!"_

Ronnie whimpered, trying to bury the memory into the recesses of her mind.

_"Please, dad! She's mine! Please, don't take her away from me. Please, dad – I promise I'll be better. I'll be good if you let me keep her. Please, daddy. Please."_

In that moment, Ronnie's decision was made. She knew what she had to do. Opening her drawers, she hastily picked up various items of clothing and tossed them into the suitcase. Unzipping the inner compartment, Ronnie felt for her passport, hoping that it was still there from where she had put after returning from Ibiza.

Her fingers closed around the small book and she let out a sigh of relief. If she had wasted time looking for that she would have lost her nerve. Placing the passport in her hand bag, Ronnie frantically searched through her bedside drawers, looking for the piece of paper Max had given her a few months ago.

"Come on, come on," she muttered to herself, her fingers sifting through opened letters and cards. "Where the hell did I put it?" Ronnie mentally scolded herself before triumphantly retrieving what she had been looking for.

Straightening up, she winced as her unborn daughter made her mother aware of her presence once again. Ronnie rubbed her stomach and spoke softly to it. "It's okay, darling. It won't be for long. Just a few weeks, and anyway, you'll like it there. It's where your daddy is."


	24. Chapter 24

**From: Roxy**

**Received: 14/02/08 18:35**

Ron – where r u? X

**From: Roxy**

**Received: 14/02/08 20:15**

Okay Ron, wen you get this txt can u call me back? X

**From: Roxy**

**Received: 14/02/08 22:55**

Ron, I'm getting worried now. Where ARE u?

**From: Roxy**

**Received: 15/02/08 00:37 **

Ron, ur scaring me now. CALL ME!

**From: Ronnie**

**Received: 15/02/08 01:00**

Relax, I'm fine

**From: Roxy**

**Received: 15/02/08 01:02**

Where are you Ronnie?

**From: Ronnie**

**Received: 15/02/08 01:06**

Calais

**From: Roxy**

**Received: 15/02/08 01:09**

Why the HELL r u in Calais? I've bn worried sick! I thought u were DEAD!

**From: Ronnie**

**Received: 15/02/08 01:12**

I'm not dead. I'm fine. Tinkerbell's fine. We're both fine.

**From: Roxy**

**Received: 15/02/08 01:15**

Ur obviously NOT if u decided to swan off to France at a moment's notice!

**From: Ronnie**

**Received: 15/02/08 01:19**

I'm just doing what you've been telling me to for the last however many months

**From: Roxy**

**Received: 15/02/08 01:23**

And what is that exactly?

**From: Ronnie**

**Received: 15/02/08 01:26**

Confronting Jack

**From: Roxy**

**Received: 15/02/08 01:28**

Well okay then. Call me afterwards. Love you and Tinkerbell xoxo

**From: Roxy**

**Received: 15/02/08 08:25**

Well?

**From: Ronnie**

**Received: 15/02/08 09:06**

Gimme a chance, I've only just woken up

**From: Roxy**

**Received: 15/02/08 09:09**

Lazy biatch :p Love u. Txt me when u c him x

**From: Ronnie**

**Received: 15/02/08 09:12**

Vapid whore :P Okay, sure

**From: Roxy**

**Received: 15/02/08 19:09**

Ron – did u speak 2 Jack?

**From: Roxy**

**Received: 15/02/08 20:13**

Ronnie! Stop withholding vital info!

**From: Roxy**

**Received: 16/02/08 02:17**

Ron – I've been srsly patient, bt I'm done nw! TXT ME BK! Or CALL ME!

**_Calling . . . .Ronnie_**

**_Hi, you've reached Ronnie'_****_s mobile. Sorry I can't take your call at the moment, but leave me a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can._ **

"Ron! What's going on? It's been HOURS since your last text! How did it go? What did he say? What did Tanya say? Call me back as soon as you get this message okay?"

**_Calling . . . .Ronnie_**

**_Hi, you've reached Ronnie'_****_s mobile. Sorry I can't take your call at the moment, but leave me a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can._ **

"Ronnie! You better not be dead in a ditch somewhere-"

**_Message deleted_**

**_Calling . . . .Ronnie_**

**_Hi, you've reached Ronnie'_****_s mobile. Sorry I can't take your call at the moment, but leave me a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can._ **

Ronnie please just answer the phone, or let me know you're okay. I'm getting worried now.

**From: Ronnie**

**Received: 16/02/08 04:57**

I'm back.


	25. Chapter 25

Roxy raced across the Square, pulling a jacket over her pyjamas as she did so. "Ron!" She hissed, repeatedly pounding the knocker on Ronnie's door. "Ronnie! Let me in!"

Ronnie groaned as she lifted her head from her pillow. _Definitely should've waited until the afternoon to send that text._ She thought to herself, dragging her exhausted body from the bed and making her way towards the front door.

"Well?" Roxy asked meaningfully once Ronnie had let her in.

"Roxy, it's five in the morning-"

"Yes, and I've been up since yesterday morning!" Roxy exclaimed, flouncing onto the sofa.

Ronnie sighed and sank down next to her sister, resting her on Roxy's shoulder. "Sorry," she mumbled.

"Ronnie – what happened? What did Jack say? Is he here?" A moment of silence passed. "Ron?"

"Just . . . let me . . ." Her words trailed off and Roxy looked out of the corner of her eye to see that Ronnie's were closed. Leaning back onto the sofa, Roxy pulled Ronnie's body into hers and let her sister lie against her.

"Ronnie," Roxy whispered. "You're gonna have to tell me. And I know you're tired, but it's better to do it now so you can fall asleep and I can silently rant and rave next to you. Or would you rather listen to me shouting whilst wide awake?"

"Good point," Ronnie replied, a small smile kissing her lips and sitting up straight.

"So? What happened? Did you see him?"

Ronnie nodded.

"And?"

"And nothing."

"What?" Roxy shouted.

"Alright Rox, calm down-"

"No, I **won't** calm down!" She exclaimed, jumping up from the sofa and pacing the living room floor, hands on her hips. "What did he say?"

"The usual. He's in love with Tanya, his life's in France, he's happy-" 

"Happy? Happy? Well, he won't be for much longer once I've castrated him!" Roxy paused to suck in a sharp breath of air. "And what about the baby? What did he say when you told him you were pregnant with his baby?"

Ronnie shrugged. "That'll he'll send money every month and see her as much as possible, but he's not coming back to Walford."

"Bastard! Actual, complete **fucktard**! Spineless weasel!" Roxy ranted, her pacing increasing in speed until Ronnie caught hold of her arm. She instantly stopped and looked into her older sister's face. The delicate beauty marred by a lifetime's worth of anguish. "Ron?"

"Can you just hold me for a minute? Until I catch my breath?"


	26. Chapter 26

"Tinkerbell's kicking me," Roxy murmured, tiredly. The sisters were lying next to each other beneath the covers on Ronnie's bed, wiling away the day with conversations about anything and everything interspersed with short naps.

"Imagine what she's putting me through, if you can feel it all the way from there," Ronnie replied, sinking deeper beneath the covers and stretching her legs. She let out a soft, content sigh before looking to her younger sister. "I'm glad you stayed, Rox."

Roxy just smiled in return. "No biggie."

"Except it is when your older sister calls you at three in the morning, telling you to drag yourself out of bed and get over to her place."

Roxy shrugged. "Yeah, well. I've spent the whole of my life being bossed about by you, so why should that change now?" She paused for a moment, looking into Ronnie's face. It had been a week since Ronnie had come back from France and besides that initial conversation, she refused to bring it up again.

_That's Ronnie all over though, ain't it? If something hurts, she buries it and never talks about it. God – Jack is one prize wanker. If he ever comes back to Walford, I swear, I'll kill him._

"So missy, what are your plans for today?" Ronnie asked, making no attempt to leave the warm bed.

"Oh, y'know – might show my face at the Vic otherwise Phil's gonna be like a bear with a sore face." Roxy grimaced at the thought of her cousin berating her.

"Don't you mean 'sore head'?"

Roxy raised her eyebrows and shook her head. "Nope, definitely sore face." Ronnie caught her sister's look and burst out laughing before groaning dramatically. "What?"

"I have to move, don't I?"

Roxy nodded her head. "Yes, yes you do."

Ronnie sighed. "When does Aunty Peg get back?" She enquired, pulling the deliciously warm covers away from her body and slowly swinging her legs over the side of the bed.

"This evening. Well, that's what she said, anyway."

"True – when her and Aunt Sal get together, they're terrible," Ronnie agreed before lifting herself from the bed.

"Come to the Vic, please? Keep me company?"

Ronnie scoffed. "I dunno how good I'll be at that, I tend to fall asleep at eight."

"Well, keep me company until 8 then. Just say you'll be there tonight. Pleeeease, Ronnie? For me? Pleeeeeeease?"

Ronnie frowned for a moment, confused by her sister's sudden desire for her to be at the Vic. "Yeah, yeah – I'll be there. Happy now?"

Roxy nodded, a broad smile on her face. "I am now."

Ronnie sat at her dressing table, staring into her reflection as she dragged a blusher brush across her cheekbones, smiling slightly as the soft pink minerals were deposited against her skin, making her cheeks shimmer. She loved blusher, a tiny bit could so much. Even if you had the worst hangover in the world and you felt like you were dying inside, a little bit of blusher could make you look fresh and rested.

Putting down the brush, Ronnie slowly lifted herself from the low chair and walked over to her open wardrobe. She picked up the dress that Roxy had explicitly told her to wear, letting the midnight blue satin fall through her fingers.

Ronnie smiled as she remembered her sister's excitement. _She's throwing me a baby shower._ She'd instantly thought. And with all the texts and phone calls since Roxy had left, that conclusion became more apparent.

"I'll just have to act surprised when I get there," Ronnie told herself as she slipped out of her black dressing gown and shimmied into the dress. _Thank god the zip's on the side!_ She thought to herself before suddenly being swept up in a memory of a long time ago.

_"You look beautiful," Jack breathed as he came into his bedroom._

_Ronnie turned to face him, raising an eyebrow as she did so. "I'm not even dressed yet," she replied, waving her hand in the direction of the outfit she had laid out on Jack's bed. _

_Jack just smiled. "Exactly."_

_Ronnie rolled her eyes before returning to doing her make up in the mirror. Her eyes followed the reflection of Jack's movements and moments later, she felt his hands caress the sides of her arms. She shivered slightly at the contact._

_"Cold?" He asked, his breath warm and tantalising across the back of her neck._

_"No," she answered, clearing her throat as she attempted to control the pit of warm liquid that had begun to spread through her. _

_"No?" Jack whispered, his lips now tracing their way from Ronnie's neck to her collarbone, his fingers trailing from her arms to her waist._

Ronnie shook her head, discarding the memory. She couldn't think about that. She couldn't think about him. She could get through this. She could get over him. _I've gotten over worse._

She smoothed out the dress against her form, smiling as her baby bump proudly stood out from beneath the empire waist and took in her reflection in the full length mirror.

"I've gotten over worse," Ronnie said out loud, echoing her thoughts.

Placing her feet into simple black pumps – no heels for her until after the baby was born – she grabbed her phone and her bag before leaving the flat. Closing the door securely behind her, a gust of wind swept at Ronnie's hair and gave voice to a silent thought.

_You're not over it._


	27. Chapter 27

"Surprise!" A horde of voices shouted out as Ronnie pushed open the door to the Vic's living room. Ronnie immediately painted on her best shocked expression as she looked across the various familiar faces of her family.

Ronnie smiled, a small giggle slipping from her lips. "Oh wow, I had no idea. How did you manage to do all this?" She asked, using her hands to indicate the pink balloons tied together with ribbon and the banners with 'Congratulations' and 'Baby Tinkerbell' adorning the walls.

Roxy narrowed her eyes for a moment, a shrewd look on her face. "You knew, didn't you?" She asked.

Ronnie took a breath. "Erm . . . yeah, a little bit," she admitted.

Her younger sister rolled her eyes before taking Ronnie's arm and guiding her to the middle of the living room. "Whatever," Roxy stated. "Well, at least we know Kate Winslet's job's safe."

"What?"

"Worst actress _ever_ Ronnie," Roxy replied grinning.

Ronnie scoffed. "Oh thanks. It's my party and you're mocking me."

Roxy just shrugged. "It's what I do best."

Ronnie shook her head, still smiling before catching Roxy's hand and giving it a small squeeze. "Thank you," she told her, the sincerity in Ronnie's voice speaking volumes.

Roxy just smiled back at her. She knew what this pregnancy meant to her sister. Nineteen years ago, there had been no celebrating, no joy at the prospect of a new life. There was just shouting and blame and recrimination. But there would be none of that now. None of that for this little girl.

"Hey," a voice said from behind Ronnie before a champagne flute filled with orange juice was pushed into her hand.

"Max. You're here?" Ronnie asked, turning around to face him.

Max shrugged. "Couldn't exactly miss my niece's baby shower, could I?"

Ronnie's eyes widened in reprimand. "Shh," she hissed, her eyes darting around the room to see if anybody had overheard his words.

"Sorry," he muttered as he let Ronnie half drag him to an empty corner of the room. "So? You called 'im again?" Ronnie said nothing, instead choosing to stare into the bottom of her glass. "Ron, come on. You know he'll come back to yer if you just tell him. He'll come back and everything'll be sorted."

"Oh yeah?"

"Course," Max assured her.

"They're engaged, did you know that?"

"They're what?"

"Engaged," Ronnie answered, tilting her head so that she could look him straight in the eye. Max looked as though someone had just slapped him. "I'm guessing she hasn't told you that."

"How do you- How-?" He asked, his voice gravelly.

"I went there last week."

"To see Jack?"

Ronnie nodded. "And tell him about the baby." She paused for a moment, falling through the memories of that day. "I got as far as their house, sat across it in the car. And I saw them, happy families . . . and Tanya with a brand new rock on her finger."

Max tugged at his shirt collar, trying to loosen its chokehold.

"They've moved on Max, we should do the same," she told him before moving away.

"Auntie Peg!" Roxy exclaimed as her aunt walked into the living room. "I thought you weren't getting back until later!"

"Well, I couldn't miss this, could I?" Peggy told her, opening her arms and accepting Roxy's hug. "Oh Ronnie, darlin'. Come 'ere and give your aunt a hug."

"Welcome back, Aunty Peggy," Ronnie said as she embraced the woman that was increasingly becoming the woman she turned to when she needed help.

"Oh, would you look at you," Peggy gushed, drawing away and holding Ronnie at arm's length.

"I know, any day now," Honey piped up as the four women's eyes were drawn to Ronnie's stomach.

Ronnie shook her head. "No, no. This little girl is staying in here for another eight weeks, she's going full term."

"Yeah," Roxy agreed, nodding. "Me and 'er had words at the last scan, we agreed that if she's born on her due date I'll buy her a puppy."

Ronnie rolled her eyes good naturedly. "No, you're not."

Roxy pouted. "I promised, Ron!"

"Roxy-"

"Now, now girls, no bickering," Peggy said, flapping her hands between them. "Anyway, I've got you a little present of my own."

"Oh Aunty Peg, you didn't have to do that-" Ronnie started to say, but froze mid sentence. She felt the smile drop from her face as her eyes fixed on the doorway.

"Veronica."

"What do I have to do to get you out of my life?"


	28. Chapter 28

The venom in Ronnie's voice made everyone stare, even Ben stopped the CD player. They could feel a change in the atmosphere, it was charged with electricity, just like the moments preceding a lightning storm.

"Ronnie," Peggy urged her niece. "Come on darlin', he's your dad-"

"He is _nothing_ to me!" Ronnie asserted, her hands clenching into fists, ready to pummel Archie's face.

She heard him sigh and saw him shake his head. "It's no good, Peggy – there's no talking to her when she's like this."

"When I'm like this? Like _what_?" Ronnie demanded, her words coming through gritted teeth.

Archie simply raised an eyebrow and replied coolly: "Emotional."

Ronnie seethed with anger, her fingers tightening around the champagne glass she had been holding. Without thinking, she flung the glass at her father watching as it shattered on the wall behind him and pieces of glass rained down on his shoulders as orange juice dripped down the wallpaper.

An uproar of voices broke through the stunned silence that had greeted Archie's initial arrival and Ronnie felt someone gently grab her arm and lead her away from the centre of the room.

"Veronica!" Archie exclaimed, his blue eyes becoming steely.

"Dad – not now!" Roxy shouted. She took a series of short breaths as she tried to figure out a way to fix the situation without World War Three erupting. "Can you just go, dad? Just for now? Everyone can talk later, but _right now_ we're trying to have a baby shower."

"Forget it, Rox – I'm suddenly not in the mood," Ronnie declared, pushing away Max's hands and stalking from the room.

"Ronnie!" Roxy called after her. Shaking her head, she put her hands on her hips before looking at her aunt and her dad. "Well, thanks for that. Dad, no – just leave her!" Roxy exclaimed as she saw Archie duck out of the room and follow the path of his eldest daughter. "Oh for crying out loud," she muttered to herself before heading for the door.

"Veronica! Veronica, don't you walk away from me, girl!" Archie snarled, meeting Ronnie at the bottom of the stairs, his fingers curling around her small wrist.

"Let go of me!"

"I'm your father!"

"You're nothing but a twisted old man who doesn't deserve to **be** a father." Ronnie sucked in a sharp breath, her father's fingers tightening around her wrist. "Let go of me."

"I'm your father, I can do as I please," Archie hissed, increasing the pressure on Ronnie's wrist.

Ronnie felt her heart shudder in her chest, an IV of ice water suddenly plugged into the muscle. She was a child again. Terrified and alone. Darts of pain shot through her and her body crumpled as she cried out in agony.

"Ronnie? Ronnie!" Roxy shouted as she ran down the stairs. "What've you done to her?" She pushed her dad's hand away from her sister and knelt by where Ronnie was now sitting. "Ron? Ronnie, what is it?"

Terrified eyes looked into Roxy's face. "My waters have broken. . . The baby's coming."


	29. Chapter 29

Roxy's eyes widened in sheer terror. "Wh-what?"

"She's coming," Ronnie stated before crying out in pain.

"Veronica, Veronica sweetheart," Archie began, stepping forward and laying his hands on Ronnie's shoulders. "It's going to be okay, Roxy phone an ambulance-"

"Don't _touch_ me!" Ronnie growled, flinching away from her father.

"Ronnie-"

"You make my skin crawl!"

"Veronica, I'm your dad. I love you-"

"Dad – phone an ambulance, will yer?" Roxy demanded, placing herself between Ronnie and their dad. She grabbed hold of her sister's hand and held it tightly. "Tell them she's thirty two weeks pregnant and her waters have broken." Archie just stood in front of his daughter for a moment. "Well, **go on**!"

Their father nodded, picking up the phone receiver in the hallway and calling the emergency services.

"It's gonna be okay, Ron. It is, I promise you, she's gonna be okay," Roxy told her older sister.

But Ronnie shook her head. "Eight weeks, Rox – two months. She's not ready, she's not ready-"

"She is a _Mitchell_ – she's ready for anything, okay?" She insisted, cupping her sister's face in her hands. The tears streamed down Ronnie's cheeks. She bit into her bottom lip, trying to stop her sobs. "It's okay, Ron – just breathe, okay? Breathe, remember in the classes? Three short breaths, come on. Breathe," Roxy urged her sister even as her thoughts turned to her unborn niece.

_Please darling, just sit tight, okay? Stay where you are for another couple of months. Be late even. Just don't be . . . now._

"Ambulance is on its way, V. It's coming, not long now darling," Archie said, hanging up the phone and approaching his eldest daughter.

"Get him away from me!" Ronnie screamed through her tears, putting up an arm to form a barrier between herself and her dad. "I don't want him anywhere near me. I don't want him near her."

"Dad – can you just step back, yeah?"

"'Ere what's goin' on down here?" Peggy asked, descending the stairs. "You can hear the shouting from-" She stopped as she saw her niece's crumpled form. "Ronnie?" Peggy's eyes darted to Archie, accusation written within them instantly. "What did you do?"

"Not now, Aunty Peg!" Roxy exclaimed, wincing as Ronnie crushed her fingers before letting out a howl of pain. "Breathe Ronnie, just breathe through it." Roxy used her free hand to push back her sister's sweat soaked fringe. "Where the **hell** is that ambulance?"

Roxy watched Ronnie through the glass window of her hospital room. She was lying on her back, staring into the white of the ceiling. Every few moments, a crystal droplet would cling to her bottom eyelashes before trickling from the corner of her eye.

_"Come on Ronnie, just one more. Just one more push."_

_"I can't, Rox. She can't come now, she can't. She'll be so hurt. She's not ready. She'll hurt," Ronnie sobbed, her heart breaking in two at what she would be doing to her precious daughter._

_"She's nearly here, Ron. You can't keep her with you anymore, she needs to come out. One more push, Ronnie and she'll be here. Come on, you can do this. You can do this for her."_

Roxy wiped at her eyes, roughly scrubbing away the tears that were ready to spill from them. "No!" She muttered to herself as she pushed down on the door handle and entered Ronnie's room.

"Ron? You okay? D'you want me to get the nurse?"

Ronnie shook her head.

Roxy sat down in the chair beside her sister's bed, instantly scrambling for Ronnie's hand and holding it tightly.

_Ronnie pulled her head into her chest and pushed as hard as her exhausted body would allow her. Her clenched hands trembled from the force of her determination before she fell back onto the oversized pillows. "Did I do it?" She asked between gasps of breath._

_"Yeah, you did it Ron," Roxy whispered, looking at her sister briefly before turning to watch as the midwife bundled the newborn in warm blankets._

_"She's here?" Ronnie asked breathlessly, a small smile lifting the corners of her lips._

_"She's here," Roxy answered, her voice cracking with emotion. Her eyes were fixed on her tiny baby niece. Staring intently at her still chest._

_"Why isn't she crying, Roxy?"_

"Ron?" Roxy whispered. Ronnie just blinked, continuing to stare into space. "I know you can hear me." No response. "You should see her . . ."

Ronnie closed her eyes.

_"Amy cried, Roxy. Why isn't she crying? Why isn't she crying?"_

"She's beautiful, Ronnie. So, so beautiful."

A single tear slipped out from beneath Ronnie's closed lids and traced a path down her porcelain cheek.

"Ronnie, please. Just see her. She needs her mum."

Ronnie opened her eyes and turned to her younger sister. "And what good am I to her? I couldn't even keep her safe inside of me."

Roxy shook her head. "No, Ron – you can't, you _can't_ think like that! It just happened, it was nobody's fault."

"Yes, it was. It was _his_. It was his fault and now she's, now she's . . . " Ronnie stopped, clamping a hand over her mouth as she tried to contain her anguish.

"Fine, it's his fault. It's dad's fault. Blame him, I don't care anymore. But please, just see her. See your little girl."

"I can't Rox, I can't see her-"

"**Why** not?" Roxy demanded through gritted teeth. For the last hour she had stood outside the Special Baby Unit, hoping and praying to a god she had never acknowledged that that little girl would be okay.

"I can't love her just to lose her. I can't, Roxy," Ronnie whispered, her voice breaking as the sobs stumbled from her throat.

"You already love her."


	30. Chapter 30

Ronnie stood over the incubator, her hands pressed up against the clear plastic that surrounded her baby girl. She pursed her lips, stopping a cry from falling out. _Crying isn't going to help her now._ Ronnie's eyes followed each wire, one end attached to her baby's tiny body, the other leading to a machine.

There were so many of them, monitoring her heart and breathing, even her body temperature. "I'm so sorry, darling," Ronnie whispered, wishing that she could reach inside and caress her baby's skin. But she couldn't, not just yet. "Mummy will hold you soon. I promise."

She turned at the sound of the neonatal intensive care unit door opening, a wave of relief washing over her as Roxy entered the room. "Hey," her younger sister greeted her, rubbing antibacterial gel into her hands before approaching the incubator. "How is she?" Roxy enquired. She'd left the hospital for an hour to grab some of Ronnie's things and inform the rest of the family of the arrival.

"I don't, I don't know . . ."

"She looks better though, doesn't she?"

Ronnie shrugged. "She's on a ventilator, Rox. To help her breathe. My little girl can't even _breathe_ on her own."

"Ron, Ronnie don't," Roxy hushed, wrapping an arm around her sister's body. "She's here. I got Ben to look up it online – thirty two weeks is good. Babies can survive at twenty eight. That's a whole month difference. And she can, she **can** breathe on her own – we heard her cry, remember? We heard her little, high pitched cry. This is just . . . help," she tried to assure Ronnie.

Ronnie nodded her head. She knew that Roxy was only trying to help, but that information . . . it didn't. Because the truth of the matter was, her daughter had only been alive for four hours and everyone around her doubted whether she would make it through another twenty.

Nobody had to say it. It was written all over their faces.

"Three pounds, ten ounces," Roxy muttered to herself.

"What?" Ronnie questioned, not really listening to what she was saying, instead staring intently at her daughter.

_My daughter. My little girl. What have I done to you?_

"Nothing. It's a good weight. Anything under three pounds is worrying . . ." She trailed off, noticing that Ronnie was no longer in the room with her. A sudden surge of anger shot through Roxy and she found that her acrylic nails were digging into her palms.

_I could kill him! If he was here, if he hadn't stressed her out and caused her so much misery, maybe, just maybe Ronnie wouldn't have gone into premature labour. If he had been here to support her and help her and not break her heart, maybe this little girl wouldn't have to suffer. _

_I'm going to kill him._

"Rox?" Ronnie called out, noticing the tightness of her sister's jaw. "What're you thinking?"

"She needs a name, doesn't she?" Roxy replied, trying to change the subject. She peered into the incubator, watching the soft rise and fall of the baby's chest. "We can't keep calling her 'Tinkerbell' forever, can we?"

"No."

"Okay, you thought of any?"

"No."

"Okay, well I quite like-"

"No, we're not naming her."

"What? Ronnie!"

"Not until tomorrow."

"Tomorrow? Why tomorrow?" Roxy questioned, a look of confusion spreading across her face.

"I'm not going to rush naming her," Ronnie stated, adamant in her decision. "We'll name her tomorrow when she wakes up."

_When she wakes up, I'll give her her name. Not before that. So please, angel, please wake up tomorrow. Mummy needs you so much, so so much. Just do this one thing for mummy, please. Please wake up tomorrow and the next day and the day after that. Keep waking up in the mornings. Please, sweetheart. Please._

Roxy nodded, understanding what her sister meant. "Okay, we'll do it tomorrow."

**Wednesday 25th February 2009 01:43**

Ronnie lay in the hospital bed, her body feeling as though she had been run over by a truck. The weariness and exhaustion lapped at her core, but somehow she kept it at bay. She kept her eyes open and glued to the clock on the wall.

Six hours.

That was how long her little girl had been alive.

And in those six hours she hadn't been held once.

_"The first twenty four hours are crucial."_

That's what the doctors had said. And that was what Ronnie was waiting for now. The end of those twenty four hours.

Ronnie had stood over her plastic cot, watched her as she slept, the soft rise and fall of her frail chest. She had wanted to reach inside, caress her skin, but Ronnie hadn't. Because her little girl was so translucent, her veins were visible.

"Is that normal?" She had asked the nurse; who had nodded and told her that it was common in premature babies.

_She's so different from Amy._ Ronnie had thought before instantly chastising herself for even thinking it. _Maybe that's why it happened – this is my punishment for what I did. I gave a child away and now a child might be taken . . . _

She sucked in a shuddering breath, using the back of her hand to wipe away any remaining tears. "Ron?" Roxy called out to her as she stepped inside the room.

"How is she?" Ronnie asked, immediately.

"Fighting."

Her older sister nodded before returning to stare at the ceiling, her gaze almost burning through the plaster.

"Why don't you sleep for a little bit?"

"No."

Roxy sat down on Ronnie's bed, swinging her legs upwards so that she was lying beside her. "Close your eyes, Ron – just for a few minutes."

"I have to be awake, Roxy. I need to be here for her."

"You are here for her. And you will be here – I'll wake you when anything new happens, okay?" But Ronnie shook her head, her blonde hair rubbing against the white pillowcase. Roxy sighed. _Always so bloody stubborn._ "Okay fine, but I'm just gonna talk to you, I don't want no interruptions or replies, okay?"

Ronnie didn't respond, whether that was because she was following Roxy's instructions or that she had stopped listening altogether, there was no way of knowing.

Roxy shuffled closer to Ronnie, placing a warm hand on her bare arm she began to trace the delicate outline of shapes into Ronnie's skin. "She's really beautiful, Ronnie. I think she's gonna be blonde . . . but she might get Jack's brunette genes, you can never tell with babies, can yer? Let's just hope Jack hasn't passed on the ginger gene, eh? Otherwise the poor girl's gonna need to start dyeing her hair – although, saying that; it looks cute on Tiffany, don't it? Oh well, maybe Tinkerbell can pull it off? If she's anything like me or you, she definitely can," Roxy reasoned, stealing a covert glance at her older sister.

Ronnie's eyes were closed and her previously tense jaw was relaxed.

"You sleep for a little while, get strong for Tinkerbell, yeah?" Roxy whispered, gently holding her sister's hand and snuggling into her shoulder.

**Wednesday 25th February 2009 07:18**

Eleven hours and forty minutes.

Ronnie held her hands up to the clear glass of her daughter's incubator before drawing away from the warmth of the blue light that tinged every aspect of her. The infant wore tiny, foamy sunglasses to protect her eyes from the phototherapy light.

_Jaundice. Every baby gets it. It's normal, common even. _

_It's just worse in premature babies._

"A little bit of extra help, that's all it is," Ronnie whispered to her daughter, letting her know that everything would be okay, that everything that was happening to her would make her okay. "Cos mummy wants to take you home soon. And you have to get better for that to happen."

Immediately, Ronnie's thoughts turned to their home. She sighed, rubbing her forehead with the tips of her fingers. Nothing was ready, she hadn't even bought a Moses' Basket yet.

"I thought I had more time," she muttered to herself. "But you were too impatient, weren't you, darling?" Ronnie chuckled before frowning. "I really hope you haven't inherited that from your Aunty Roxy."

"She's been great though, your Aunty Roxy, amazing actually," Ronnie continued. "She actually got mummy to fall asleep and she's been running back and forth from here to the flat, getting things for the both of us."

_I'm lucky to have her._ She thought, the warmth of her sister's love spreading through her stomach and filling every part of her. Even though Ronnie had only slept for a few hours, she felt better for it. Not so emotional and terrified, but optimistic. She had spoken to the nurses and the doctors, little Tinkerbell was doing well. They just had to monitor her breathing, let her lungs mature a bit more and get her to put on a bit of weight. Then she'd be out of the woods.

Then she could go home.

Suddenly, Ronnie's lips curved into a smile.

Her daughter had moved her arm. She'd moved her arm and opened her tiny starfish hand.

That tiny movement created a sea of emotions within her. Ronnie felt them rise up and engulf her entire being in sheer happiness. Her daughter was here. She was here and she was alive.

And Ronnie had been with her for more than two hours.

That hadn't happened before. Amy had been snatched away almost as soon as she came into the world. But that wasn't going to happen to this baby. Ronnie wouldn't let it.

Letting out a soft sigh, Ronnie waved one finger at her daughter. "Mummy has to call daddy now, but I'll be back in a minute, okay?"

**Wednesday 25th February 2009 08:23**

"Ron, she's beautiful," Max murmured, his eyes fixed on the tiny baby girl in the glass incubator. "Can I, can I touch her?" He asked, dragging his eyes away to look at Ronnie.

"I er, I haven't yet . . ."

Nodding, Max pulled his hand away from the glass. _She should feel her mother's touch before anyone else's._ "She's tiny."

"Three pounds ten ounces."

"Three pounds," he repeated, letting out an almost silent sigh. _God, that's nothing. Nothing at all. The girls and Oscar, they were more than seven pounds. She's less than half of that._ "Is she, is she . . . okay?"

"She's not breathing on her own properly, she's on a ventilator to help with that. She might come off it . . . soon, maybe."

Max watched the hope light up Ronnie's blue eyes for a moment, before dimming. There was a moment of silence as Ronnie stared into her daughter's face; Mac could tell that she willing her to get better, urging her and bargaining with anything and everything Ronnie had to offer. Clearing his throat, he spoke. "Have you called Jack?"

Ronnie scoffed. "I've been trying for the last hour, kept getting his voicemail. Didn't think this was something I should leave a message about."

"Right." A solemn look crossed his face and Ronnie felt a wave of anger surge through her. Her daughter was lying there, tubes and wires attached to her body and all Max could think about was his ex-wife?

"Don't worry, I'm sure Tanya will come back with him," she told him, the bitterness seeping from every one of her words.

"This ain't about Tanya," Max told her, hastily.

"No?"

"Nah, it's about Jack being a dad to this little girl."

"And since when did you start caring so much about your brother? A few months ago, you said you hated him."

Max lifted his shoulders in a small shrug. "Things change." He heard Ronnie scoff. "No, really. I can't . . . . I can't do this to 'im, 'cos I know that if he doesn't get the chance to see her, to see his daughter and she-"

"Don't you **dare**! Don't you dare say it!" Ronnie demanded, her body shaking with the force of her fury.

Max shook his head, sadly. "That's his baby, Ron and I . . . couldn't forgive meself, and neither could you." He watched as the anguish spread across Ronnie's face, the terror and the pain of everything she was going through. Reaching out a hand, he gently placed it on her shoulder before giving it a squeeze. "I'll call Jack, okay? Tell him to ring yer."

Ronnie nodded, a lone tear slipping from her eye and trickling down her cheek. Max pulled her towards him, cupping her neck with his hand as she silently wept into his shoulder. "Shh, shh. She's gonna be fine. She'll be fine."


	31. Chapter 31

Max stared at the numbers on the screen of his mobile. Tanya and Jack's home phone number. That's what the thirteen digits stood for. International access code and then their phone number. The phone number to their home. Jack's and Tanya's home. With Max's kids.

A wisp of breath hissed out from between his parted lips. He needed to call them. To tell Jack that his daughter had been born two months early and was fighting for her life. He needed to do that. So why had he spent the last hour just staring at the phone?

Max shook his head before slipping the phone back into his jacket pocket. What was he doing? He'd told Ronnie he'd call Jack. And he had meant it. He would call his brother.

_This is what you wanted, wasn't it? Bring Jack back to Walford, Tanya would follow with the kids . . . _

_It's what I wanted._

_Just . . . not at the expense of that little girl._

Getting up from the hard and uncomfortable orange chairs that littered the hospital corridors, Max walked up to NICU, peering through the glass window and watching Ronnie. She was, once again, stood over the baby's incubator; her face a picture of anguish and sorrow hidden behind the mask of happiness. He could see her talking to the infant, her fingers seeking out the glass that separated child from mother.

Turning away, Max stalked through the corridors, his shoes squeaking against the polished floor. Stepping out into the mid morning sunshine, Max turned his face towards the sun. His hands curled around the freezing metal railing as he took a deep breath.

Removing one hand from the metal railing, Max dipped it into his jacket pocket and retrieved his phone. Quickly scrolling through his contact list, he connected the call. "Hello?"

Tanya's voice knocked the breath from his body, rendering him unable to speak.

"Hello?" She said again, more impatient this time.

"Tan?"

"Max?"

He instantly heard the irritation and surprise in her voice. It had been four months and their only contact had been through the kids. "Is Jack there?" Max asked abruptly, forcing himself to remember the reason for his call.

"Er yeah, yeah. I'll put him on."

Max heard her place the sound of movement and a door opening and closing before his brother's voice appeared loud and clear on the other end of the line. "Yeah?"

"Jack. Call Ronnie. Call her and listen to her and don't you _dare_ hang up!"

"What's this about Max?"

"It's important okay. Nothing to do with you or Tanya or France, just listen to her. Actually, don't call her. Gimme a sec, I'll call you back."

Hurriedly, Max hung up before rushing back into the hospital and the neonatal ward. Tapping on the glass window, he beckoned Ronnie out into the corridor before handing her the ringing mobile. "Hello?" They heard a voice call out from the small device.

Max looked at Ronnie earnestly, watching as she took the phone in her hands. "Jack?"

"Ronnie? What's goin' on?"

Ronnie gripped onto the phone tightly, her mouth opening but no words coming out. "Ron? Ronnie, you still there?"

Ronnie cleared her throat, signalling that she was still on the line.

"Ronnie – what's going on? Why have you got Max calling me?" A note of annoyance was evident in Jack's voice, but Ronnie pushed it out of her mind. Of course, he'd be annoyed. So would she if the roles had been reversed – if she had jetted off for a new life in France with a new man and Jack had been calling and emailing her and had even got Roxy to call her on his behalf, she'd have been pissed as well.

"Because it's important," she finally heard herself say.

Max gave her a reassuring half smile before using the antibacterial gel on his hands and venturing inside the NICU. _I can do this._ Ronnie told herself. _I've given birth – twice. I can have this conversation. I'm strong enough to do that._

"Why does everyone keep saying that but nobody explains what they mean by it?" Jack growled down the phone, his frustration increasing with each second that went by.

"Because it's true." Ronnie sighed, feeling the sympathy for Jack begin to ebb away.

There was a long pause as neither of the ex-lovers was sure of what to say. "Ron? Why did you call me?"

"Because . . ." Ronnie stopped, unable to say the words she had been dying to tell him for the last six months. _Why can't I say them? Why can't I tell him?_

"Brilliant answer, Ronnie!" Jack exclaimed, exasperated by her. She heard him let out a frustrated sigh. There was silence again as neither spoke. And once more, Jack was the one to shatter it. "Maybe it's best if we don't have these conversations anymore-"

"I'm at the hospital Jack."

"What? Are you okay?" Jack asked, immediately panicked, his heart hammering in his chest as a million and one reasons for Ronnie being in hospital ran through his mind, each one more harrowing than the next.

"I'm fine."

"Then dad? Is my dad alright?"

"Yes, yes, he's fine. He's not the . . . he's fine."

"Then who, Ronnie?"

"Someone you don't know, she's-"

"Why would you tell me that? Why would you make me worry for someone I don't know?"

"No, listen Jack-"

"No, Ronnie, listen to me. Listen!" He interjected forcefully.

"No!" She exclaimed. "_You_ listen! I have tried, **tried** to tell you a million times – phone calls, emails, text messages, I even got on the freaking Eurostar and went to France to tell you – but you don't listen and you don't reply and apparently, you still don't know, so I'm telling you now-"

"Doesn't that tell you anythin' Ron? Maybe I don't **want** to know? Maybe I've moved on and have made a life for meself here – with Penny and Tanya and the kids. One that doesn't include you."

"This isn't **about** me!" Ronnie exclaimed, wanting more than anything to wrap her hands around Jack's neck and throttle him until he would shut up for a minute so she could tell him about his daughter.

"Obviously it is."

"It isn't," Ronnie replied through gritted teeth.

"Then why are you callin' me? We're just going 'round in circles here, Ron . . . how 'bout we stop?"

"Wh-what?" Ronnie asked, her voice quavering as a shiver shot through her.

"Can we stop this now? Stop the phone calls, the texts, the emails? I'll send the paperwork through so you can buy me out of the club."

Ronnie scoffed. "This has nothing to do with the club or with me, Jack – you have a-"

"Maybe it doesn't, but this isn't helping anyone, is it?" His voice was soft, gentle even, but all Ronnie could hear was the sound of Jack shattering her heart. "And to be honest, we're better off without each other . . . we're happier without each other."

Ronnie felt the comforting embrace of the Ice Queen mask on her cheeks. "You mean _you're_ happier without me."

"Come on Ron, you know what I mean. All we did was play games and make each other miserable and now we're still doing it without being in the same country. This'll be better for the both of us. We can both move on."

"Whatever Jack, do whatever the hell you want, but first there's something you need to know. I've just had your-"

"Ronnie!" Max yelled, practically sprinting from the NICU to the corridor. Ronnie turned at the sound of his voice, watching in horror as hordes of doctors and nurses descended upon the incubator that housed her little girl.


	32. Chapter 32

Running towards the room, Ronnie's waist was caught by Max as he gently pulled her away from the image of doctors and nurses working on her baby's chest. Max pulled Ronnie's body towards his own, forcing her to look away, but even if she couldn't see the still body of her baby, Ronnie could hear the shrill cry of the heart monitor as it pierced through her mind, signalling that her little girl's had stopped whilst simultaneously breaking hers.

"No!" Ronnie cried out, her body wracked with sobs. She felt Max drag her away, lead her to the chairs and put her in one of them, but it was as though she wasn't there. Her skin felt the pressure of his touch, but she couldn't _feel_ it. She couldn't see the wall opposite of her or smell the disinfectant that seemed to shroud hospitals. All she knew was her precious baby girl.

"I can't lose her, Max! I can't!" She wept with wild abandonment, clinging onto the front of Max's jumper as she soaked it with her tears.

_Ronnie sat in the rental car, her body stiff and rigid with anticipation and nerves as she awaited Jack's return. She had only been waiting twenty minutes, but it had felt like days. _

"_Months really, if you count from when I first found out," she muttered to herself. _

_Ronnie watched as a car pulled up on the other side of the road before pulling into a driveway. Her heart skidded to a halt as she watched Jack, Tanya and the kids pile out of it. They were all smiling and laughing and as Tanya lifted her sunglasses from her blonde hair, Ronnie was forced to blink. _

"_Is that a diamond? On her left hand . . . " Ronnie scoffed. "Brilliant. Absolutely fucking brilliant!" She muttered angrily, shrinking back in her seat to make herself look as inconspicuous as possible. Now was definitely NOT the time to be spotted by Jack. _

_A few minutes later, once everyone was inside the house, Ronnie felt it was safe to turn on the engine of the car. She put it into gear and drove back to the hotel. Once in the car park, Ronnie reached for her phone, ready to book herself tickets on the next available train back to London._

'_So this was all for nothing, then?' A voice in her head asked, echoing the grim disappointment that had settled in her stomach in the last half hour. 'You came all the way to France to tell him and you don't even call him? What was the point in that?'_

_Taking a series of shallow breaths, Ronnie connected a call. "Jack?" She said into the mouthpiece of her phone. "Can I talk to you seriously for a minute?"_

"_Ronnie? What're you doing? I thought-"_

"_Just shut up and listen for a sec, okay?"_

"_Ron, I can't – I have to go-"_

"_Please, Jack, can you just make the time for this conversation. It's important. Can you just do that this one time?" She heard the sounds of a soft sigh. "Thank you."_

"_I'm sorry, Ron – I can't. I have to go. I'll call you when I'm done, though, okay?"_

_Ronnie felt her eyes brim with tears before her vision blurred. "This is always how it's going to be, isn't it?"_

"_What?" The confusion in his voice was crystal clear._

"_You're never going to have time, it will always be divided between Tanya and Penny and Lauren and Abi and Oscar." Sucking in a breath of much needed air, Ronnie shook her head. "Don't bother Jack. It doesn't matter – I don't need you anymore."_

"Ronnie? Ronnie? Your baby's fine now, we've managed to stabilise her," the doctor stated. He stood over her with a kind smile on his face.

"Wh-what happened?" She asked, overwhelmed with equal amounts of fear and relief.

"She suffered from a pneumothorax, which is a collection of air around the lung and that caused her left lung to collapse. But we've managed to drain it using a chest tube. She's stable now, you can go in to see her."

Ronnie nodded, her body shaking as the shock of what had nearly happened set in. "Thank you," she mumbled as she rose from the seat.

Max watched her for a moment before picking up the phone Ronnie had left on the orange chair. "You get all that?" He asked into it. "You have a baby daughter whose **lung** just collapsed. Now get yourself onto the next train, plain or bloody ferry back here and see 'er!" Silence. Max drew the phone away, ready to end the call when he noticed that there was no need. "Oh for crying out loud!" He muttered, before punching in Jack's number once more.

"No," Ronnie stated, turning around and facing him. She shook her head.

"Ron – she's his daughter."

Ronnie shook her head. "She's my daughter, she's mine and she nearly died just then and he's not here. He's not here because he doesn't _want_ to be, he doesn't _want _to know. Well fine, he doesn't have to."

"Ronnie-"

"She's my daughter, Max. And she doesn't need a father like that."


	33. Chapter 33

Ronnie sat behind her desk at R&R, poring over the month's accounts, pen in hand as she scribbled various numbers down on a separate sheet of paper. She frowned as she looked from one sheet to the next, mentally calculating the sums and seeing if they matched. Groaning, she dropped her pen on the desk and retrieved her trusty calculator.

She began to input a row of numbers but instantly frowned. The calculator screen was blank.

"Great!" Ronnie muttered. "Just brilliant." Rolling her eyes, she pushed herself up from the desk and grabbed her bag from the sofa before slinging it over her shoulder.

Stepping out of the club and into the warm May sunshine, Ronnie couldn't help but smile. She loved summer, she loved the warmth and the happiness of it and what was more, she loved the clothes she could wear. All light and soft fabrics and materials that had been hidden in her wardrobe for nine months out of the year, waiting with baited breath for those rare days of sunshine and heat. And today just happened to be one of those days. Nothing could spoil her mood.

_Not even a broken calculator._

Smiling to herself, Ronnie happily walked through the Square before venturing into the Minute Mart. She passed the rows of frozen foods and confectionary before ducking into the back and picking up a small black calculator. Paying for it, Ronnie left the shop and began to walk back to the club but something caught her eye.

Someone was standing outside her front door.

Narrowing her eyes, Ronnie tried to make out who it was, but they were too far away. Stalking homewards, she ascended the stone steps and cleared her throat.

"Can I help you?" She asked, evidently startling the man. But as he turned around, it was Ronnie that got the shock of her life. "Jack?"

"Ronnie," he said, smiling warmly at her.

Ronnie just stared back at him, open mouthed in complete shock. "What-what. . . what are you doing back here?" She asked, trying to keep the anger from her voice, but evidently failing as Jack appeared somewhat saddened by her tone of voice.

"I would've thought that was obvious," he answered, an edge of sorrow to his words.

Ronnie nodded, swallowing the lump that had formed in her throat. The intensity of his gaze unnerved her, making her palms become clammy with moisture. "Oh right, yeah. . . of course. How're Tanya and the kids?"

"Good, I guess."

"Okay, right. That's . . . good."

There was an awkward moment of silence between them as they both stood on the doorstep of Ronnie's home. "I er, I'd invite you in, but I've er, I'm just on my way back to the club," she told him, motioning to the front door.

"Oh that's fine, I was just . . . snooping really, wanted to see who had moved into the place . . . and it's er, you so I don't need to . . . " Jack trailed off. "So, how's the club?"

Ronnie began to reply, but was interrupted by the squeals of a five year old child.

"Mummy!"


	34. Chapter 34

The little girl cried out to her mother, letting go of her aunt's hand and running up the stairs to their house. The tiny girl grabbed hold of her mother's legs and hugged them tightly. Ronnie's face broke out into an instant smile and she scooped her daughter up into her arms.

"Hello darling, how was your day out with Auntie Roxy?"

"Really, really, **really** good mummy! We went to the fair and I had candyfloss and strawberry laces and sherbet AND flying saucer sweets. It was yummy."

Ronnie raised an eyebrow, before turning to Roxy who was now stood at the bottom of the stairs. "Are you trying to put my child into a diabetic coma?" She asked, mock sternly.

Roxy just shrugged in reply before frowning. She'd noticed Jack. "Well, if it isn't Walford's answer to Casanova," she said cuttingly.

"Roxy – don't start, okay?" Ronnie told her sister, shooting her a warning look.

Jack's eyes hungrily wandered over the face of the child Ronnie held in her arms. Bright blue eyes and the palest blonde hair, like buttermilk. Reaching out a hand, Jack had the sudden urge to run his hand over the little girl's head, but he stopped himself, jamming his arm back down by his side. "She looks just like you," he managed to say.

"Yeah," Ronnie replied before turning to her daughter. "Okay, Tinkerbell, do you want lunch at home or at the Vic?"

"Hmmmmm," she vocalised as she tried to think of what she'd like the best. "The Vic!" She answered after a few moments of deliberation.

"Okay, we're off to the Vic then. Why don't you go and hold Roxy's hand whilst mummy talks to her friend, yeah?" The little girl narrowed her blue eyes. Something Jack had seen Ronnie do a million times. "It's okay Sienna, mummy's gonna be right behind you darling." Giving her a kiss on the nose, Ronnie deposited the child back down on the top step before watching as she slowly descended them.

"I'll see you in a minute, Ron," Roxy shouted pointedly, still looking daggers at Jack.

"If looks could kill, I'd be six feet under by now, wouldn't I?" Jack stated in good humour.

Ronnie nodded, unsure of what to say. It had been five years since their last conversation. The phone call in the hospital had been the last time she'd heard his voice. And now, now he was standing in front of her, talking to her as if the last five years hadn't happened.

"How long are you here for?"

Jack shrugged. "I dunno yet, I'll see."

"What about Tanya and the kids, shouldn't you be getting back to them?"

Jack frowned, his brows furrowing. "No, not really." He saw the confused expression on Ronnie's face. "Me and Tanya . . . we're not together any more . . . "

Ronnie raised a perfectly arched eyebrow. "Right. Well, I better get going," she said, motioning towards the Sienna and Roxy who were now crossing the road leading to the Vic.

"Yeah," Jack replied, smiling. "It was nice seeing yer again, Ron," he told her.

Ronnie let the corners of her lips lift into a minute smile, but she couldn't return Jack's words. Because she had no idea what seeing him meant to her. Or to their daughter.


	35. Chapter 35

"So?" Roxy asked her sister. They were both in the living room of the Vic, watching as Sienna happily played with her toys in the middle of the floor, oblivious to her mum's concern. "Did he ask about her? About who she was?"

Ronnie shook her head. "It's obvious she's mine, it's not so obvious she's his." She let out a puff of air, blowing her fringe out of her face.

"You gonna tell him?"

Ronnie shrugged. "I don't know. Before . . . it made sense, he wasn't around and he wouldn't have the time for her and there was no way being around him would be good for either of us, let alone Sienna but now . . . "

Roxy frowned, confused by her sister's words. For the last five years, they'd made a family for themselves. Ronnie and Roxy had been everything that little girl needed and could ever want, so why was Ronnie suddenly changing her mind about that?

"What do you mean?" She asked, a wary tone to her voice.

"I don't know, it's just . . . a shock I guess, I haven't thought about him in years and now . . . he's here . . ."

"Well yeah, Jim was his dad, of course he'd be here for the funeral."

Ronnie nodded. "I knew that, I did, it's just . . . five years." She sighed, rubbing at her temples with the tips of her fingers. "What do I say to him? What do I say to her?"

"I don't know, it's gotta be up to you. . . Just . . . do what you think's right." Roxy squeezed her sister's arm and gave her a warm smile, even though she wanted to scream in Ronnie's face and tell her to keep Jack away from Sienna and out of all their lives. The day Sienna had been born, the day she had nearly died, Ronnie had told her that Jack wouldn't be a feature in her life. She had relayed the conversation they had had and how he wanted nothing to do with Ronnie, how he was happier without her.

_"He doesn't want her, Rox. She's an obstacle in his perfect life in France. And I won't allow my daughter to ever feel like that."_

_"He's her dad, Ronnie."_

_"And where the hell is he? I've tried, Roxy, tried **so hard** to tell him, but it's like he knows what I'm about to say and refuses to let me get the words out. He doesn't want to know."_

_Roxy had placed an arm around her sister's shoulders, pulling Ronnie towards herself. "If you think it's best for her, I do too. She's your daughter, Ronnie - you're the only one that can make that decision. But I know that whatever you do decide, you're going to be an amazing mum and this little girl will never want for anything."_

Roxy had been relieved. A part of her, the selfish part, the part she had tried to eradicate from her body, had been relieved. She wouldn't have to see Jack again and she wouldn't constantly be presented with her betrayal.

Ronnie nodded at her sister's words, her eyes fixed on the precious angel that had blessed her life in so many different ways. At that moment, Sienna turned and looked over her shoulder, her eyes dancing with childhood innocence as she beamed up at her mother. "Will you play with me, mummy?" She asked, grinning and holding out her stuffed donkey.

"Of course I will darling," she replied, crossing the room and sitting down next to her daughter. Ronnie looked into her child's face, an overwhelming sense of love rushing over her. _He deserves to know her, doesn't he? To know this amazing little girl. To know that she's his._

_I have to tell him._


End file.
